Most modern families have both parents working and as a result children spend less time with their parents. What is the reason? What problems can this cause?
Nowadays,
children
have more often their Use synonyms
parents
working, resulting in a significant drop Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
time
together. The reasons are multiple, Use synonyms
to begin
with, jobs become more exigent in terms of hours and schedules. On top of that, the economy has become harder, Linking Words
therefore
, in order to maintain a nice lifestyle, Linking Words
parents
prefer to Use synonyms
work
. Use synonyms
Finally
, currently, the world is more equitable, and Linking Words
as a result
, both Linking Words
parents
want to build a professional career. Use synonyms
This
change is generating negative impacts on the Linking Words
children
's growth. Use synonyms
For example
, as the Linking Words
parents
are not as present as they used to be, Use synonyms
children
have no control over their diet and the consumption of video Use synonyms
games
.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, is important to analyze the causes of the drop in the Linking Words
time
at home of the Use synonyms
parents
. Use synonyms
To begin
with, currently, every job Linking Words
is requiring
more from their employees, people who used to Wrong verb form
requires
work
8 hours per day, probably are spending 10 hours or even more. The second reason is that the economy is getting harder, and people who want to keep their lifestyles should Use synonyms
work
extra in order to afford it. Use synonyms
Last
but not least, nowadays, the world is more equitable, Linking Words
therefore
, both Linking Words
parents
, Use synonyms
whitout
Correct your spelling
without
care
Replace the word
caring
in
Change preposition
about
the
gender, want to build a professional career and achieve success, resulting in extra efforts at Correct article usage
apply
work
to get it. Use synonyms
For example
, research concluded that currently, American women increased 30% of their Linking Words
time
at Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
due to
their personal ambitions.
As Linking Words
this
essay mentioned before, Linking Words
this
change is impacting negatively Linking Words
children
's care. Kids are spending Use synonyms
to
much Correct your spelling
too
time
alone at home, Use synonyms
therefore
, diets are not under control and neither Linking Words
video
Add a missing verb
is video
games
. Use synonyms
While
Linking Words
parents
are working, Use synonyms
children
could finish studying at school and start to play video Use synonyms
games
, which is more than understandable as they are bored, Use synonyms
however
, Linking Words
this
early access to computer Linking Words
games
is increasing the access to violent scenes as well Use synonyms
impacting
Correct word choice
as impacting
in
Change preposition
apply
Use synonyms
children
behaviours. Change noun form
children's
For instance
, in Argentina, Linking Words
parents
used to buy a PlayStation to keep their Use synonyms
children
entertained, Use synonyms
however
, even though seems a great solution, is not. Linking Words
Children
become more violent at school Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
this
early access to Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
such
as GTA and Call of Duty.
In conclusion, the reasons are multiple, Linking Words
however
, Linking Words
this
essay would like to highlight that the impacts on Linking Words
children
are negative, and society should pay more attention to them.Use synonyms
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coherence cohesion
To strengthen coherence and cohesion, aim to use more varied linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repetitively using 'to begin with' and 'on top of that,' try using synonyms or different transitional phrases to introduce new points.
task achievement
In terms of the task response, ensure to fully elaborate on every argument presented. Some points, such as the impact of parents working on children's diet, were mentioned but not fully developed. Providing more detailed examples would enhance the response.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing the key points.
task achievement
The essay successfully identifies multiple reasons for the issue and attempts to explain the impact on children, showing a good understanding of the task requirements.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.