IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

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Some
individuals
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 believe that tighter
relationship
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relationships
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 in economy and
culture
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 between
countries
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 yield many benefits,
while
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other
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others
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 consider that it is detrimental to national diversity. From my perspective, I reckon closer cultural and business contact impose positive impacts on
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two
Correct article usage
the two
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countries
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,
although
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 it may reduce some loss of domestic identities.
One
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 reason why some
people
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 insist that closer economic and cultural
relationship
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relationships
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 may be harmful to national diversity is that with more contacts,
individuals
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 in
two
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countries
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 are prone to develop
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 habits in their daily lives,
thus
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 making some traditional features replaced by foreign
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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.
For example
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, by forming
a
Correct article usage
apply
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closer cultural contact in eating, there will be more
foriegn
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foreign
 restaurants moving into
domestic
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the domestic
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 market. In that case, citizens are
higher
Rephrase
more
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 likely to eat abroad food rather than
having
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have
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 meals
in
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with
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 traditional
one
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.
By contrast
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, if they refuse to accept
foriegn
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foreign
 restaurants,
people
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 will keep choosing the local food, rendering protecting traditional
culture
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.
Therefore
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, with more
people
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choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
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 foreign dining halls, many traditional
resturants
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restaurants
 will face the possibility of bankrupt, resulting
the
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in the
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 loss of national cuisine.
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One
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On
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 the other hand, I agree with
individuals
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 who think tighter contact in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and
culture
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 generates plenty of benefits.
Firstly
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, with more exotic
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culture
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cultures
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 introduced into
individuals
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, the situation of dwellers' living satisfaction
enhanced
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is enhanced
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. Specifically, many
individuals
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 prefer to try different cultures from other
countries
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, because experiencing different
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culture
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cultures
show examples
 could let them know which
life style
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lifestyle
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 is more proper for them.
Hence
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, they can choose to live
under
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in
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 the most enjoyable
culture
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, becoming more satisfied with their lives.
Secondly
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, closer economic
tie
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ties
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 between
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two
Correct article usage
the two
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countries
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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also
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 beneficial to local companies, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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 many trading opportunities for domestic industries.
For instance
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, with
tighter
Correct article usage
a tighter
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 economic relationship between
two
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countries
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, there will be more
demands
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demand
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 for exporting and importing products.
Consequently
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, local factories have more chances to export their commodities to
another country
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other countries
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.
Therefore
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, those export companies have more profit
by
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from
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 closer economic ties. In conclusion, some
people
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 believe that closer economic and cultural ties may incur the loss of national diversity,
while
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 I stand with
individuals
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 who think it can impose benefits on citizens living satisfaction and local companies.

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task response
To further improve task response, ensure each argument is fully explored with more in-depth analysis and support. For example, explain exactly how closer economic relations lead to higher life satisfaction.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on making the transitions between different points smoother. You can achieve this by using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
To strengthen clarity and provide more comprehensive ideas, try to develop each point in more detail and provide clearer distinctions between different arguments by using sub-points or examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on minimizing small grammatical errors and awkward phrases, which can slightly disrupt the flow of your writing. This can be achieved through careful proofreading and practice.
task response
You have provided a clear stance in the introduction and reiterated it in the conclusion, which adds to the cohesiveness and clarity of your essay.
task response
You’ve utilized relevant and specific examples (e.g., impact of foreign restaurants on local cuisine) to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a balanced discussion, presenting both sides of the argument before giving your opinion, which is critical for a high-scoring IELTS essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • economic growth
  • cultural homogenization
  • national identity
  • cultural diversity
  • international trade
  • investment opportunities
  • tolerance
  • cultural preservation
  • traditional values
  • global influence
  • cultural dilution
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