Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Some
individuals
believe that tighter Use synonyms
relationship
in economy and Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
culture
between Use synonyms
countries
yield many benefits, Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
other
consider that it is detrimental to national diversity. From my perspective, I reckon closer cultural and business contact impose positive impacts on Fix the agreement mistake
others
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
countries
, Use synonyms
although
it may reduce some loss of domestic identities.
Linking Words
One
reason why some Use synonyms
people
insist that closer economic and cultural Use synonyms
relationship
may be harmful to national diversity is that with more contacts, Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
individuals
in Use synonyms
two
Use synonyms
countries
are prone to develop Use synonyms
same
habits in their daily lives, Correct article usage
the same
thus
making some traditional features replaced by foreign Linking Words
Use synonyms
one
. Correct pronoun usage
ones
For example
, by forming Linking Words
a
closer cultural contact in eating, there will be more Correct article usage
apply
foriegn
restaurants moving into Correct your spelling
foreign
domestic
market. In that case, citizens are Add an article
the domestic
higher
likely to eat abroad food rather than Rephrase
more
having
meals Wrong verb form
have
in
traditional Change preposition
with
one
. Use synonyms
By contrast
, if they refuse to accept Linking Words
foriegn
restaurants, Correct your spelling
foreign
people
will keep choosing the local food, rendering protecting traditional Use synonyms
culture
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, with more Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
choose
foreign dining halls, many traditional Wrong verb form
choosing
resturants
will face the possibility of bankrupt, resulting Correct your spelling
restaurants
the
loss of national cuisine.
Change preposition
in the
Use synonyms
One
the other hand, I agree with Correct your spelling
On
individuals
who think tighter contact in Use synonyms
economy
and Correct article usage
the economy
culture
generates plenty of benefits. Use synonyms
Firstly
, with more exotic Linking Words
Use synonyms
culture
introduced into Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
individuals
, the situation of dwellers' living satisfaction Use synonyms
enhanced
. Specifically, many Add a missing verb
is enhanced
individuals
prefer to try different cultures from other Use synonyms
countries
, because experiencing different Use synonyms
Use synonyms
culture
could let them know which Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
life style
is more proper for them. Correct your spelling
lifestyle
Hence
, they can choose to live Linking Words
under
the most enjoyable Change preposition
in
culture
, becoming more satisfied with their lives. Use synonyms
Secondly
, closer economic Linking Words
tie
between Fix the agreement mistake
ties
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
countries
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
also
beneficial to local companies, because Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
brings
many trading opportunities for domestic industries. Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
For instance
, with Linking Words
tighter
economic relationship between Correct article usage
a tighter
two
Use synonyms
countries
, there will be more Use synonyms
demands
for exporting and importing products. Fix the agreement mistake
demand
Consequently
, local factories have more chances to export their commodities to Linking Words
another country
. Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
Therefore
, those export companies have more profit Linking Words
by
closer economic ties.
In conclusion, some Change preposition
from
people
believe that closer economic and cultural ties may incur the loss of national diversity, Use synonyms
while
I stand with Linking Words
individuals
who think it can impose benefits on citizens living satisfaction and local companies.Use synonyms
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task response
To further improve task response, ensure each argument is fully explored with more in-depth analysis and support. For example, explain exactly how closer economic relations lead to higher life satisfaction.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on making the transitions between different points smoother. You can achieve this by using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
To strengthen clarity and provide more comprehensive ideas, try to develop each point in more detail and provide clearer distinctions between different arguments by using sub-points or examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on minimizing small grammatical errors and awkward phrases, which can slightly disrupt the flow of your writing. This can be achieved through careful proofreading and practice.
task response
You have provided a clear stance in the introduction and reiterated it in the conclusion, which adds to the cohesiveness and clarity of your essay.
task response
You’ve utilized relevant and specific examples (e.g., impact of foreign restaurants on local cuisine) to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a balanced discussion, presenting both sides of the argument before giving your opinion, which is critical for a high-scoring IELTS essay.