Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Some
individuals
believe that tighter
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
in economy and
culture
between
countries
yield many benefits,
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
consider that it is detrimental to national diversity. From my perspective, I reckon closer cultural and business contact impose positive impacts on
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
countries
,
although
it may reduce some loss of domestic identities.
One
reason why some
people
insist that closer economic and cultural
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
may be harmful to national diversity is that with more contacts,
individuals
in
two
countries
are prone to develop
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
habits in their daily lives,
thus
making some traditional features replaced by foreign
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
.
For example
, by forming
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
closer cultural contact in eating, there will be more
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
restaurants moving into
domestic
Add an article
the domestic
show examples
market. In that case, citizens are
higher
Rephrase
more
show examples
likely to eat abroad food rather than
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
meals
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
traditional
one
.
By contrast
, if they refuse to accept
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
restaurants,
people
will keep choosing the local food, rendering protecting traditional
culture
.
Therefore
, with more
people
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
foreign dining halls, many traditional
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
will face the possibility of bankrupt, resulting
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
loss of national cuisine.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
the other hand, I agree with
individuals
who think tighter contact in
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
and
culture
generates plenty of benefits.
Firstly
, with more exotic
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
introduced into
individuals
, the situation of dwellers' living satisfaction
enhanced
Add a missing verb
is enhanced
show examples
. Specifically, many
individuals
prefer to try different cultures from other
countries
, because experiencing different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
could let them know which
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
is more proper for them.
Hence
, they can choose to live
under
Change preposition
in
show examples
the most enjoyable
culture
, becoming more satisfied with their lives.
Secondly
, closer economic
tie
Fix the agreement mistake
ties
show examples
between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
countries
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
beneficial to local companies, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
many trading opportunities for domestic industries.
For instance
, with
tighter
Correct article usage
a tighter
show examples
economic relationship between
two
countries
, there will be more
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
for exporting and importing products.
Consequently
, local factories have more chances to export their commodities to
another country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
.
Therefore
, those export companies have more profit
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
closer economic ties. In conclusion, some
people
believe that closer economic and cultural ties may incur the loss of national diversity,
while
I stand with
individuals
who think it can impose benefits on citizens living satisfaction and local companies.
Submitted by 1356388645 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To further improve task response, ensure each argument is fully explored with more in-depth analysis and support. For example, explain exactly how closer economic relations lead to higher life satisfaction.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on making the transitions between different points smoother. You can achieve this by using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
To strengthen clarity and provide more comprehensive ideas, try to develop each point in more detail and provide clearer distinctions between different arguments by using sub-points or examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on minimizing small grammatical errors and awkward phrases, which can slightly disrupt the flow of your writing. This can be achieved through careful proofreading and practice.
task response
You have provided a clear stance in the introduction and reiterated it in the conclusion, which adds to the cohesiveness and clarity of your essay.
task response
You’ve utilized relevant and specific examples (e.g., impact of foreign restaurants on local cuisine) to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a balanced discussion, presenting both sides of the argument before giving your opinion, which is critical for a high-scoring IELTS essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • economic growth
  • cultural homogenization
  • national identity
  • cultural diversity
  • international trade
  • investment opportunities
  • tolerance
  • cultural preservation
  • traditional values
  • global influence
  • cultural dilution
What to do next:
Look at other essays: