Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Some
individuals
believe that tighter relationship
in economy and Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
culture
between countries
yield many benefits, while
other
consider that it is detrimental to national diversity. From my perspective, I reckon closer cultural and business contact impose positive impacts on Fix the agreement mistake
others
two
Correct article usage
the two
countries
, although
it may reduce some loss of domestic identities.
One
reason why some people
insist that closer economic and cultural relationship
may be harmful to national diversity is that with more contacts, Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
individuals
in two
countries
are prone to develop same
habits in their daily lives, Correct article usage
the same
thus
making some traditional features replaced by foreign one
. Correct pronoun usage
ones
For example
, by forming a
closer cultural contact in eating, there will be more Correct article usage
apply
foriegn
restaurants moving into Correct your spelling
foreign
domestic
market. In that case, citizens are Add an article
the domestic
higher
likely to eat abroad food rather than Rephrase
more
having
meals Wrong verb form
have
in
traditional Change preposition
with
one
. By contrast
, if they refuse to accept foriegn
restaurants, Correct your spelling
foreign
people
will keep choosing the local food, rendering protecting traditional culture
. Therefore
, with more people
choose
foreign dining halls, many traditional Wrong verb form
choosing
resturants
will face the possibility of bankrupt, resulting Correct your spelling
restaurants
the
loss of national cuisine.
Change preposition
in the
One
the other hand, I agree with Correct your spelling
On
individuals
who think tighter contact in economy
and Correct article usage
the economy
culture
generates plenty of benefits. Firstly
, with more exotic culture
introduced into Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
individuals
, the situation of dwellers' living satisfaction enhanced
. Specifically, many Add a missing verb
is enhanced
individuals
prefer to try different cultures from other countries
, because experiencing different culture
could let them know which Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
life style
is more proper for them. Correct your spelling
lifestyle
Hence
, they can choose to live under
the most enjoyable Change preposition
in
culture
, becoming more satisfied with their lives. Secondly
, closer economic tie
between Fix the agreement mistake
ties
two
Correct article usage
the two
countries
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
also
beneficial to local companies, because it
Correct pronoun usage
they
brings
many trading opportunities for domestic industries. Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
For instance
, with tighter
economic relationship between Correct article usage
a tighter
two
countries
, there will be more demands
for exporting and importing products. Fix the agreement mistake
demand
Consequently
, local factories have more chances to export their commodities to another country
. Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
Therefore
, those export companies have more profit by
closer economic ties.
In conclusion, some Change preposition
from
people
believe that closer economic and cultural ties may incur the loss of national diversity, while
I stand with individuals
who think it can impose benefits on citizens living satisfaction and local companies.Submitted by 1356388645 on
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task response
To further improve task response, ensure each argument is fully explored with more in-depth analysis and support. For example, explain exactly how closer economic relations lead to higher life satisfaction.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on making the transitions between different points smoother. You can achieve this by using more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
task response
To strengthen clarity and provide more comprehensive ideas, try to develop each point in more detail and provide clearer distinctions between different arguments by using sub-points or examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on minimizing small grammatical errors and awkward phrases, which can slightly disrupt the flow of your writing. This can be achieved through careful proofreading and practice.
task response
You have provided a clear stance in the introduction and reiterated it in the conclusion, which adds to the cohesiveness and clarity of your essay.
task response
You’ve utilized relevant and specific examples (e.g., impact of foreign restaurants on local cuisine) to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a balanced discussion, presenting both sides of the argument before giving your opinion, which is critical for a high-scoring IELTS essay.