There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
These days, it is argued that young
adults
should not be studying non-traditional subjects
such
as sports and cooking classes
, instead
they should focus on more academic courses. I agree to some extent that young adults
should focus on academic subjects
, but the importance of non-traditional subjects
should not be ignored.
Firstly
, academic subjects
prepare children
to think and behave critically. Subjects
such
as maths and science enable them to learn the necessary skills needed to attain high paying
jobs. I believe that learning maths helped me to become a good accountant because I learnt vital concepts that Add a hyphen
high-paying
was
necessary for the role I was assigned to. Change the verb form
were
Secondly
, studying traditional subjects
is seen as advantageous when applying to university. For instance
, my old classmates were able to get into higher education faster than other friends who studied non-traditional courses. This
shows how important it is for children
to solely focus on important subjects
that will help them in the future.
On the other hand
, cooking classes
teaches
Change the verb form
teach
children
how to eat healthily. These classes
equip children
with the necessary skills and tools needed to cook nutritious meals. For example
, studies have shown that children
who took cooking lessons in school had a lower BMI and less
health problems. Change the quantifier
fewer
This
demonstrates how critical it is to include non-traditional subject
in the school syllabus because it would teach Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
children
how to cook healthy meals. In addition
, physical education has the same health benefits as cooking classes
. Young adults
who participate in sport
activities will be healthier and fitter which would have long-term benefits.
Change the noun form
sports
To conclude
, I believe that both traditional and non-traditional subjects
should be included in the school syllabus. Academic subjects
are crucial for young adults
but should not be considered superior to non-academic subjects
.Submitted by mraha409 on
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task achievement
While the essay provides a balanced argument, it would benefit from more detailed examples and a deeper exploration of each side of the argument. Incorporating more specific examples would strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, improving the logical flow between points will enhance overall cohesion. For instance, using more linking words and phrases can make the transition between ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, outlining the main points and summarizing the argument effectively.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided, which help to illustrate the points made in the essay.