There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
These days, it is argued that young
adults
should not be studying non-traditional Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
such
as sports and cooking Linking Words
classes
, Use synonyms
instead
they should focus on more academic courses. I agree to some extent that young Linking Words
adults
should focus on academic Use synonyms
subjects
, but the importance of non-traditional Use synonyms
subjects
should not be ignored.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, academic Linking Words
subjects
prepare Use synonyms
children
to think and behave critically. Use synonyms
Subjects
Use synonyms
such
as maths and science enable them to learn the necessary skills needed to attain Linking Words
high paying
jobs. I believe that learning maths helped me to become a good accountant because I learnt vital concepts that Add a hyphen
high-paying
was
necessary for the role I was assigned to. Change the verb form
were
Secondly
, studying traditional Linking Words
subjects
is seen as advantageous when applying to university. Use synonyms
For instance
, my old classmates were able to get into higher education faster than other friends who studied non-traditional courses. Linking Words
This
shows how important it is for Linking Words
children
to solely focus on important Use synonyms
subjects
that will help them in the future.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, cooking Linking Words
classes
Use synonyms
teaches
Change the verb form
teach
children
how to eat healthily. These Use synonyms
classes
equip Use synonyms
children
with the necessary skills and tools needed to cook nutritious meals. Use synonyms
For example
, studies have shown that Linking Words
children
who took cooking lessons in school had a lower BMI and Use synonyms
less
health problems. Change the quantifier
fewer
This
demonstrates how critical it is to include non-traditional Linking Words
subject
in the school syllabus because it would teach Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
children
how to cook healthy meals. Use synonyms
In addition
, physical education has the same health benefits as cooking Linking Words
classes
. Young Use synonyms
adults
who participate in Use synonyms
sport
activities will be healthier and fitter which would have long-term benefits.
Change the noun form
sports
To conclude
, I believe that both traditional and non-traditional Linking Words
subjects
should be included in the school syllabus. Academic Use synonyms
subjects
are crucial for young Use synonyms
adults
but should not be considered superior to non-academic Use synonyms
subjects
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
While the essay provides a balanced argument, it would benefit from more detailed examples and a deeper exploration of each side of the argument. Incorporating more specific examples would strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, improving the logical flow between points will enhance overall cohesion. For instance, using more linking words and phrases can make the transition between ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, outlining the main points and summarizing the argument effectively.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided, which help to illustrate the points made in the essay.