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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Completing a university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many argue that the effective method to get a high-paying job is only through graduating from a tertiary education level,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that experience gained through hands-on practice is more influential than graduating studies. In my opinion, I believe that both are vital for an individual's career.
To begin
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 with, proponents believe that, to get a job that pays a handsome salary, one must have a
degree
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 qualification.
This
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 is because most companies have relied on individual qualifications rather than providing jobs based on soft
skills
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.
Additionally
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, they may prioritize degrees over
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
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 practices, even though they need workers who can benefit the company using computer techniques and
skills
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.
For instance
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, the more the competition gets tougher in IT, the more companies require professional workers who
obtained
Wrong verb form
obtain
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 a
degree
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 by going through the top stream of studies.
On the other hand
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, it is believed by some that soft
skills
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 are more significant than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 professional
degree
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. A key point to notice is that there are some corporations that need employees based on practical
skills
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 to generate more profit despite not having any past education. There are individuals,
for example
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, who establish their career as a chef or entrepreneur and win more prizes and awards in spite of dropping out of colleges and universities.
Thus
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, they generate more income than students with degrees and diplomas.
To conclude
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, I believe that both views,
such
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 as getting a
degree
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 and early practical
skills
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, play an important role in an individual's future career. These are parallel to each other and totally depend on personal perspective

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task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed and that each paragraph is focused on a single main point. While the discussion is balanced, some points could be expanded for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Use clear transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the logical flow of your essay. Linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'however' could be used more effectively to connect ideas.
task achievement
It would be helpful to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the importance of practical skills, you could reference specific industries or job roles that value experience over formal education.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction that sets up the discussion of both views and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion effectively.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, discussing both the importance of university education and practical experience.
task achievement
Main ideas are generally well-supported, and the essay is structured logically.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
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