IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
Nowadays, celebrity coverage on social media is said to have
harmful
Add an article
a harmful
show examples
 influence on
children
. I
partyly
Correct your spelling
partly
partially
 agree with the point of view. In
this
 essay, I would argue that
news
 about famous
people
 can have both negative and positive
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
 on
children
's perceptions. On the one hand,
children
 can be negatively affected when being exposed too much to
news
 about famous
people
.It is because of the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 coverage of famous
people
 is always abundant and available on the Internet so
children
 can easily encounter them when opening their phone or tablet. Dangerously,
this
news
 is most scandals,
rumors
Change the spelling
rumours
show examples
 and
sentational
Correct your spelling
sensational
news
.
According to
 scientific research, the young are not yet fully developed cognitively and mentally, so they tend to mimic what they see.
As a result
,
children
 can get confused between fame and notoriety.
On the other hand
,
children
 can
also
 be positively influenced by online information about celebrities.Fame can convey positive messages. If there are many
people
 who are famous thanks to
scandalas
Correct your spelling
scandalous
scandals
, there are
also
people
 who use their hard work and ability to become famous and use that fame to spread
positiveness
Replace the word
positivity
show examples
.Den Vau - a well-known inspirational Vietnamese singer and volunteer In conclusion, I partially agree that celebrity coverage of well-known
people
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 youngsters negatively. I do believe there are both negative and positive that information about famous
people
 có thể can thanks
people
 use the internet
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure there is a clear thesis statement and more detailed explanations to fully cover both aspects of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop more structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences and supporting details to improve logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases to better connect ideas and make the arguments smoother.
task achievement
The essay covers both positive and negative aspects of celebrity media coverage, showing a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: