IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should be taught academic subjects at school, while others think they should learn practical skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is widely debated that teaching academic
subjects
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 in the institution is beneficial for
children
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,
while
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 others argue that practical
skills
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 should be taught
instead
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. From my perspective,
both
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 educational aspects should be taught to
children
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 at school
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they play equal roles in advancing
children
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's characteristics and future lives. On the one hand, learning academic fields is significant to enrich strong basic knowledge
that is
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 essential for
children
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's careers. Some complex academic
subjects
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,
such
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 as maths and science, are vital for some occupations in
both
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 public and private sectors,
such
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 as doctors, scientists, accountants,
businessmans
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businessmen
businessman
, economists, and others.
Additionally
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, these
subjects
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 require
geniune
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genuine
 effort from
children
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 to study
on
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apply
show examples
those
subjects
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 in order to ensure their comprehensive comprehension
on
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of
show examples
 the studies.
Therefore
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, without sufficient dedication and
time
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 spending to teach
children
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, they may fail to pursue their dream jobs.
On the other hand
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, practical
skills
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 are vital in living in the contemporary world effectively. Some common soft
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skills'
Change noun form
skills
show examples
 examples are drawing, dancing,
computering
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computing
,
public-speaking
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public speaking
show examples
, and negotiating, considered key roles in
characteristic
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the characteristic
show examples
developments
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development
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 of individuals. Spending
equal
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the equal
an equal
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 amount of
time
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 in school to improve
both
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 aspects enables individuals
discovers
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to discover
show examples
 their areas of
interests
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interest
show examples
, which some
skills
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 can be
further
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 developed to be students' recreations or careers in the long term.
Thus
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, it leads citizens to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 their life goals competently. In conclusion, society may reckon that some academic
subjects
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 are more important than others, meaning that
school
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schools
show examples
 should spend a greater amount of studying
time
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 concentrating on those
subjects
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.
Nevertheless
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, I firmly believe that
both
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 academic and life
subjects
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 should be taught in
formal
Add an article
the formal
show examples
 education system because they are critical
as
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and
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 equal
as
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to
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another
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one another
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,
hence
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 spending almost identical amount of
time
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 on
both
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 aspects is more efficient for all students.

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views and presents a clear stance, try to provide more detailed specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Although logical structure is present, each paragraph can be organized better. Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and is fully developed with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly interfere with the readability. Revising sentences for clarity and accuracy would improve overall coherence. For instance, instead of 'businessmans' use 'businessmen' and 'computering' use 'computer skills'.
task achievement
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear overview and summary of the perspectives discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure makes it easy to follow the argument, with distinct sections for each perspective.
task achievement
The essay appropriately balances discussing both views and giving your own opinion, demonstrating thoughtful engagement with the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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