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Band 5

Some people believe that children should be taught academic subjects at school, while others think they should learn practical skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #subjects #school #skills
It is widely debated that teaching academic
subjects
 in the institution is beneficial for
children
,
while
 others argue that practical
skills
 should be taught
instead
. From my perspective,
both
 educational aspects should be taught to
children
 at school
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they play equal roles in advancing
children
's characteristics and future lives. On the one hand, learning academic fields is significant to enrich strong basic knowledge
that is
 essential for
children
's careers. Some complex academic
subjects
,
such
 as maths and science, are vital for some occupations in
both
 public and private sectors,
such
 as doctors, scientists, accountants,
businessmans
Correct your spelling
businessmen
businessman
, economists, and others.
Additionally
, these
subjects
 require
geniune
Correct your spelling
genuine
 effort from
children
 to study
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those
subjects
 in order to ensure their comprehensive comprehension
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the studies.
Therefore
, without sufficient dedication and
time
 spending to teach
children
, they may fail to pursue their dream jobs.
On the other hand
, practical
skills
 are vital in living in the contemporary world effectively. Some common soft
skills'
Change noun form
skills
show examples
 examples are drawing, dancing,
computering
Correct your spelling
computing
,
public-speaking
Correct your spelling
public speaking
show examples
, and negotiating, considered key roles in
characteristic
Correct article usage
the characteristic
show examples
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
 of individuals. Spending
equal
Add an article
the equal
an equal
show examples
 amount of
time
 in school to improve
both
 aspects enables individuals
discovers
Change the verb form
to discover
show examples
 their areas of
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
, which some
skills
 can be
further
 developed to be students' recreations or careers in the long term.
Thus
, it leads citizens to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their life goals competently. In conclusion, society may reckon that some academic
subjects
 are more important than others, meaning that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should spend a greater amount of studying
time
 concentrating on those
subjects
.
Nevertheless
, I firmly believe that
both
 academic and life
subjects
 should be taught in
formal
Add an article
the formal
show examples
 education system because they are critical
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 equal
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
another
Correct pronoun usage
one another
show examples
,
hence
 spending almost identical amount of
time
 on
both
 aspects is more efficient for all students.
Submitted by kaofangsuknual on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both views and presents a clear stance, try to provide more detailed specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Although logical structure is present, each paragraph can be organized better. Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and is fully developed with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly interfere with the readability. Revising sentences for clarity and accuracy would improve overall coherence. For instance, instead of 'businessmans' use 'businessmen' and 'computering' use 'computer skills'.
task achievement
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear overview and summary of the perspectives discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure makes it easy to follow the argument, with distinct sections for each perspective.
task achievement
The essay appropriately balances discussing both views and giving your own opinion, demonstrating thoughtful engagement with the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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