All education and healthcare should be funded by government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give your reasons and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

There is a belief that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should fund all education and healthcare,
thus
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
it costless for everyone in need.
This
essay completely agrees with
this
statement. In my
experience
Add a comma
experience,
show examples
I will prove how privately owned educational institutions are  limiting potential discoveries and disabled people are in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great need of governmental financial support. In my opinion, private education creates a gap between social classes and takes the opportunity of millions of people to acquire desirable knowledge. My story is a wonderful example of it.
Couple
Correct article usage
A couple
show examples
years
Change preposition
of years
show examples
ago I was doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research about ancient Egypt.
While
I was working on my paper, I stumbled across one book that could hypothetically prove the thesis I was aiming
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
. That was truly great luck to find it,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
book was in a collection of local
privat
Correct your spelling
private
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
. I contacted them asking for an opportunity to use it for my research, but they refused to give me a chance. Their main arguments were that every single student of theirs was paying a huge amount of money to school funding purely for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to resources and it would be against their policy to give any of their copies for free. I would be able to finish my study without a problem if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
was paying the school to keep their archive accessible for everyone.  Unfortunately, education is not the only field that suffers
due to
lack of funds. Hospitality is
also
one of them. My grandmother became disabled three years ago after she had a stroke. It was not only an awful tragedy for our family, but
therefore
a huge financial burden. Many essential medical pressurises were only available in private clinics and if we include the consistency with which my grandmother needed them, the
overall
price for it was astonishingly high. My relatives were forced to work twice as hard as they used to just to cover a fraction of those bills.
Nevertheless
, we are privileged enough to be able to do it, but
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
of people don’t have
this
luxury. There are a lot of individuals that barely can meet their own needs and I am not even talking about taking care of a disabled person. I believe the state should support their citizens in
such
hard life situations
such
as my grandmother’s.  To summarise everything
said
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, schooling and medical assistance are fundamental human rights that should be available to everyone, regardless of their socioeconomic status. Limited access to either of them can result in a disruption in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
as well as
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
show examples
in
overall
well-being among the population. As a society, we should constantly take steps towards progress and improvement, and
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
making those important areas of welfare free I strongly believe that we are moving in the right direction.
Submitted by msvictoriabuts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider improving the linking phrases to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing were noticed. Proofread your essay or get a second opinion.
task achievement
More nuanced argumentation and counter-arguments could make your essay even stronger.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support your points, which demonstrates clear understanding and personal experience.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively summarize your stance.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: