The graph shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012.

#boys #girls #sport #english #town

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The bar chart gives information about the amount of

boys

Use synonyms

and

girls

Use synonyms

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

tennis

Use synonyms

badminton

Use synonyms

, cycling, swimming, football, and hockey in English town by 2012.

Overall

Linking Words

, it is evident that

boys

Use synonyms

play

tennis

Use synonyms

and football more than

girls

Use synonyms

, which account for 50% and 60% respectively.

While

Linking Words

girls

Use synonyms

play

badminton

Use synonyms

and

swimming

Wrong verb form

swim

show examples

more than

boys

Use synonyms

which

Correct your spelling

with

show examples

proportion of 40% and 50% respectively. Regarding

tennis

Use synonyms

badminton

Use synonyms

, and cycling,

boys

Use synonyms

play

Wrong verb form

playing

show examples

tennis

Use synonyms

and cycling were more than

girls

Use synonyms

, there were

precentage

Correct your spelling

percentages

of 50% and 35% respectively.

While

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

girls

Use synonyms

only

accont

Correct your spelling

account

for 37% and 20% at same exercises.

Whereas

Linking Words

, there were 40% of

girls

Use synonyms

play

badminton

Use synonyms

compared to

boys

Use synonyms

who only had 30%

Change preposition

apply

show examples

play

badminton

Use synonyms

. In terms of swimming, football, and hockey,

boys

Use synonyms

are more

Correct your spelling

likely to

show examples

play

foot ball

Correct your spelling

football

show examples

and hockey than

girls

Use synonyms

which

Correct your spelling

with

show examples

proportion

Correct article usage

a proportion

show examples

of 60% and 15% respectively.

Whereas

Linking Words

, 50% of

girls

Use synonyms

were

Verb problem

apply

show examples

Replace the word

liked

show examples

swimming compared to to

boys

Use synonyms

who only had 40% in swimming.

Submitted by zea14210209 on Fri Jun 28 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, tennis, badminton with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

3
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

154 words

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The graph shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012.

Some people think that only government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals have a lot of influence. What is your opinions?

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The most important aim of science should be to improve peoples lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?