Sport has an important role in society. Some people believe that it is nothing more than leisure activities. Discuss both and give your own opinion.
Some
people
think that sports
have many impacts on society, while
other
insist that they are only relaxing Fix the agreement mistake
others
activities
. From my perspective, I consider relaxing is not the sole function of sports
and it yield
many benefits for Change the verb form
yields
individuals
and society.
On the one hand, one main reason why some people
reckon sports
only as leisure activities
is that participating in physical sports
indeed relieves individuals
' pressure, thus
many people
regard sports
as a
relaxing entertainment. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, individuals
sitting in their office for a long time can be lack of energy. If they play ball games like basketball for a while
, their bodies will get stretched and minds
are prone to Correct pronoun usage
their minds
obtain
Verb problem
apply
relax
. Another reason is that many Replace the word
relaxation
sports
are initially
created to help individuals
to
enjoy the outside nature, which means citizens can Verb problem
apply
gain
relax when they conduct those Verb problem
apply
activities
. Specifically, skating activitiy
Correct your spelling
activity
activities
Add a missing verb
is ususally
ususally
taken up Correct your spelling
usually
in
a snow mountain, Change preposition
on
thus
people
can get a sense of relaxation when they saw
the beautiful snow scenery Wrong verb form
see
while
rushing down to the bottom.
On the other hand
, I agree with those individuals
who consider sports
impose many benefits in society rather than only a way to relax. Firstly
, individuals
are able to learn sports
spirits
from participating Fix the agreement mistake
spirit
into
Change preposition
in
sport
Change the noun form
sports
activities
, which is beneficial for their life development. For instance
, swimming could be very hard for beginners, which means people
have to spend many
time Replace the quantifier
much
on
learning it. Change preposition
apply
Consequently
, people
who participate this
sport can actually know the importance of persistence, which they may Change preposition
in this
also
bring it
to their daily lives, resulting higher possibility of success. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Secondly
, sports
activities
also
have positive effects on economy
. Add an article
the economy
This
is because the sports
player have
to purchase some equipment to protect Change the verb form
has
themselevs
from danger. Based on that it Correct your spelling
themselves
also
boost
the local economy.
In conclusion, a portion of Change the verb form
boosts
people
believe relax
is the only aspect of sport because it can relieve Replace the word
relaxation
individuals
' stress and help them to enjoy the outside world. However
, I stand with individuals
who think they are more than leisure activities
due to
the fact that it
Correct pronoun usage
they
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
people
develop good spirits and boosts
the economy.Correct subject-verb agreement
boost
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general
You did a great job of presenting both views regarding the role of sports, and you provided a clear stance with relevant examples. However, some sentences could benefit from clearer structuring, and a few grammatical errors could be polished.
coherence
Make sure all your sentences flow seamlessly. For example, 'Specifically, skating activity... to the bottom.' could be rephrased for better clarity.
coherence
Try to vary your sentence structures a bit more and avoid repetition. This will make your essay more engaging and easier to read.
task achievement
Although your response was comprehensive, ensure that your examples are as specific as possible to strengthen your points. For instance, providing further details on how sports can boost the economy would provide more depth.
task achievement
Double-check for grammatical accuracy. For example, 'many time' should be changed to 'much time', and 'boost the local economy' should be 'boosts the local economy.'
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and well-defined, providing a clear structure to your essay.
task achievement
You provided a thorough discussion of both perspectives and gave a clear personal opinion, showcasing strong task achievement.
task achievement
The examples you provided are relevant and enhance your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay displays organized ideas and logical progression from one paragraph to the next.