IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to five all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, college
students
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 often feel the urge to study
courses
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 outside of their primary discipline. Some argue that focusing solely on their main
subjects
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 should be prioritized.
While
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 dedicating attention to a major subject can result in excellent grades, I believe that learning additional
courses
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 will be more beneficial in the long run.
To begin
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 with, if
students
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 devote their full attention to their specialization, it increases their chances of achieving high scores in their
courses
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.
This
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 is because the
subjects
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 within a specialization are often interrelated, allowing
students
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 to deepen their understanding within a focused area.
For example
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, a Mathematics major includes
courses
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 like Algebra and Analysis, which are closely related.
This
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 focused approach can lead to better academic performance and a strong grasp of the primary field.
However
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,
this
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 narrow focus can
also
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 limit
students
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' exposure to diverse areas of knowledge.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 who pursue education in secondary fields gain broader career opportunities.
For instance
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, a Computer Science major who
also
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 studies business
courses
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 can apply for various positions,
such
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 as Business Intelligence or Marketing.
This
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 multidisciplinary approach not only enhances their skill set but
also
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 makes them more versatile in the job market.
Consequently
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, they may find it easier to secure employment that suits their expertise and interests. In conclusion,
while
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 some people believe that concentrating on the principal area of study is crucial for academic success, others argue that learning supplementary
subjects
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 is equally important.
Although
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 focusing on core
subjects
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 can lead to good grades, I believe that gaining knowledge in additional fields will have a more significant impact on
Use synonyms
students'
Correct your spelling
student's
show examples
 future career prospects.

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task achievement
Aim to provide a more balanced discussion of the opposing view. Currently, the essay emphasizes the benefits of studying additional subjects but does not equally elaborate on the advantages of focusing solely on the main subject.
task achievement
Consider integrating more concrete examples to support each point. This will add depth to your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to maintain the reader's interest and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported and logically structured, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both views of the topic, providing a balanced discussion and presenting a clear opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • broader educational experience
  • increased creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • interdisciplinary knowledge
  • well-rounded
  • adaptable
  • job market
  • deeper understanding
  • expertise
  • specialized knowledge
  • academic performance
  • qualification with distinction
  • time management
  • burnout
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