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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some parents think children's behaviour should be strictly controlled, while other parents think children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give examples

#parents #children #behaviour
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Various guardians consider children’s attitudes should be under parent’s control.
On the other hand
, fewer think kids should be free to behave.
This
 essay will discuss both perspectives
as well as
 some examples.
Firstly
, the mother and father being strict with their toddler's actions have several upsides. The main one is that parents will receive compliments from everyone towards their children’s behaviour.
For instance
, my mother was stern to me about my voice. She did not allow me to raise my voice to anyone for any reason. In return when I grew up, I realised that people were impressed by how elegant and beautiful my talk was.
This
 was because of what I have been raised on. There are caregivers who speculate minors have the right to act the way how they want. Certain reasons make them think like
this
. One of them is that every human deserves their freedom. Another significant reason is youngster’s self-confidence will be raised because their parents trust them. In response to
such
 criticism, children are free to do the things they like to do without being controlled. In conclusion,
while
 the fact kid's attitudes
presents
Change the verb form
present
show examples
 challenges, every parent has the right to behave with their yout
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introduction conclusion present
Consider providing a clearer introduction and conclusion to your essay. The introduction should briefly outline the main points you will discuss, and the conclusion should summarize those points and provide a final perspective.
relevant specific examples
To strengthen your discussion, provide more detailed and varied examples. This will make your arguments more compelling and show a deeper engagement with the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your ideas are clear, aim to develop them further with more comprehensive explanations. This will enhance the depth of your discussion and demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic.
complete response
You present a balanced discussion by examining both perspectives on the issue, which is important for a well-rounded essay.
logical structure
Your essay has a logical structure, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. This helps in maintaining clarity and flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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