IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart here illustrates the number of men and women employed in Australia
last
Linking Words
 year in seven different
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
show examples
 which are, managers,
professionals
Use synonyms
, semi-
professionals
Use synonyms
, tradespeople, production, clerical,
Correct word choice
and laboureres
show examples
laboureres
Correct your spelling
labourers
labourer
. The number is counted in
thousands
Use synonyms
. In
summery
Correct your spelling
summary
show examples
, men predominated in almost all
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 except for the
jobs
Use synonyms
 of
professionals
Use synonyms
 and clerical. Incase of males, the highest amount was employed in the tradespeople
jobs
Use synonyms
 where the number was at
staggering
Correct article usage
a staggering
show examples
 900 thousand, very closely followed by clerical
jobs
Use synonyms
, just below 900 thousand. The least amount of male presence was in labourers
jobs
Use synonyms
, at 400
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
. Other
jobs
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as managers,
professionals
Use synonyms
,
semi
Add a hyphen
semi-professionals
show examples
professionals
Use synonyms
, production was occupied by 600, just above 600, around 500 and above 500 thousand of males.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the highest amount of women were employed in clerical
jobs
Use synonyms
, reaching 1000
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
last
Linking Words
 positions
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 occupied jointly
be
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 tradespeople and production
jobs
Use synonyms
 at 100
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
. Other
jobs
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as managers,
professionals
Use synonyms
,
semi
Add a hyphen
semi-professionals
show examples
professionals
Use synonyms
 and labourers
Submitted by mostakahmedfaysal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, such".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words professionals, thousands, jobs with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment figures
  • Sectors
  • Significant disparities
  • Gender balance
  • Skewed
  • Trends
  • Patterns
  • Dominant
  • Inferred
  • Labor market
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Insights
  • Implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: