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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the comsumption of fast food is increasing. Why is that happen ? disadvantage of this trend . provide examples and support your opion.

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In recent years, the demand for fast
food
Use synonyms
 has witnessed a significant increase, in most countries. I believe there are several reasons behind
this
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 issue;
however
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, it is reasonable to look at its drawbacks
as well as
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 the factors which
contriubutie
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contribute
 to its increasing popularity. The hectic lifestyle of city dwellers and the extensive
time
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 that they spend in traffic often
result
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results
show examples
 in frustration. To be more specific, nowadays, most
people
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 work in a big city, and they
stuck
Add a missing verb
are stuck
show examples
 in traffic for a long
time
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 which makes them tired, so it is impossible for them to
prepar
Correct your spelling
prepare
 their own
meal
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meals
show examples
 by cooking in the kitchen because of tiredness.
For example
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, I am working from 7 AM up to 8 PM as an employee in Tehran which is a big city, but I arrive at home at 10:30 PM which leaves me
limite
Correct your spelling
limited
time
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 to cook.
Conveience
Correct your spelling
Convenience
 is another reason why
people
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 prefer to buy fast
food
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 rather than traditional
food
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. To clarify, if
people
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 want to prepare
food
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, it takes a lot of
time
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such
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 as grocery shopping, washing and cooking.
However
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, when
people
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 order fast
food
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, at the quickest
time
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, they can receive their meal.
Although
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 it seems to be
attractive
Add an article
an attractive
show examples
 option for
people
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, we can not ignore the disadvantages of
this
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 trend. Long-term consumption of fast
food
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 can
effects
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
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apply
show examples
our bodies.
In other words
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,
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of unhealthy fat in fast
food
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 can clog
arteiers
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arteries
 which leads
in
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to
show examples
 various health
issue
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issues
show examples
 like high cholesterol, obesity and heart disease. My example illustrates
this
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. Two weeks ago,
while
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 I was talking to my friend, I found out that she had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
surgery. She was one of my friends who always ate fast
food
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 at university. She sadly told me,’’ Had I not
ate
Wrong verb form
eaten
show examples
 fast
food
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 all
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time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
, it would not have happened to me’’. Eating fast
food
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 not only causes some
problem
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problems
show examples
 for our health, but
also
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threaten
Correct subject-verb agreement
threatens
show examples
 our environment. Packing
this
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 type of
food
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 needs plastic, taking a long
time
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 to recycle, so it leads to
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
polluation
Correct your spelling
pollution
.
Overall
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,
while
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 the demand
of
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for
show examples
 fast
food
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 has surged for several reasons
such
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 as
conveinent
Correct your spelling
convenient
convenience
 and
time
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, it is important to consider drawbacks, as these may have
have
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
adverse
Add an article
an adverse
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on both
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.

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Grammar & Spelling
Work on minimizing grammatical errors and typos, such as 'convenient' instead of 'conveient' and 'prepare' instead of 'prepar'. This will help make your essay more polished.
Examples & Evidence
You provided specific examples to support your points, which is very good. However, make sure every example directly ties back to your main argument for clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
To make your essay more coherent, try to add more linking words and phrases between your ideas. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Content Development
Although your points are clear, try to expand on the disadvantages of fast food with more varied examples and perhaps statistical data or studies to enhance the argument.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your arguments. This strengthens your essay overall.
Content
You've done well to present multiple reasons for the increased consumption of fast food along with its disadvantages. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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