IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is important for all towns and cities to have large public outdoor places like squares and parks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#towns #cities #places #squares #parks
In the Contemporary era, the density of the population in the city
areas
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 rising at an alarming rate,
due to
 the abundance of ample facilities. So, it is commonly believed that constructing novel
areas
 like open gardens and play fields
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 beneficial for a city. As it has direct influences on the environment,
as well as
 human behaviour.I totally agree with the above notion and my stance
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
relevant to it will be discussed in the following paragraphs Usually, parks are created with the sole aim of adding an extra attraction to certain
areas
.
Hence
 plants and trees play a tremendous role in it , where additional profits like shelter, cooling effect , and the production of oxygen ,the breathing
air
 by using carbon dioxide is expected.
Therefore
, it is advantageous to escalate the pure
air
 concentration in the atmosphere in a town area, where the pollution is rising at a significant ratio
due to
 the over usage of vehicles and
also
 the industrial fumes.
For example
, the research findings reveal that the unique and ideal solution for the increased hazardous pollutants accumulated in the
air
 is to dedicate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1/4 of the
lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
show examples
 to cultivate some flora.
On the other hand
, urban
areas
 are considered as hectic busy living
areas
 caused by the excessive workload borne by the citizens.
Thus
, the provision of essential recreation for the people will help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mitigate their stress and achieve a state of relaxation.
Similarly
, play
areas
 and large outdoor grounds provide opportunities for people to enjoy and feel
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
For instance
,psychological literature depicts that feeling
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature is an ideal treatment regime to heal anxiety and depression.
In contrast
, some assets that the larger spaces utilized to build up
such
 infrastructures are frivolous , which can be used
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
further
 development purposes.
Although
 the land can be used for other things, the benefits of the parks are more valuable.
To conclude
, I strongly hold on to the view that the nature parks and the large outdoor play
areas
 provide us with vital sources of
air
 and endless chances to carry out leisure activities and so they inevitably become a crucial part of the cities.
Submitted by oriexam6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and supports the main points effectively. However, work on refining your logical structure and avoiding overly complex sentence structures that might confuse readers.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay paragraphs maintain a smooth flow. Some transitions between ideas can be improved for better coherence. Practice linking sentences more naturally for a stronger cohesion.
task achievement
Include a few more relevant, specific examples to make your arguments more convincing. It will improve the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion, establishing the topic and summarizing your stance effectively.
task achievement
Solid main points that are well-explained in most cases.
task achievement
Effective use of some examples that help illustrate points, especially related to environmental benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: