Schools are no longer nescessary because children can get so much information available through the internet, and they can study just well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
There has been an increase in competition among
being
a famous Unnecessary verb
apply
person
because, they earn more money
, and are able to seek more attention. Some people feel, there are few
drawbacks Correct article usage
a few
of
being a famous Change preposition
to
person
like,
invading privacy Remove the comma
apply
along with
must spend
more Wrong verb form
spending
money
to match the standard of living. However
, I personally feel there are more benefits of
being a celebrity than drawbacks which will be discussed in Change preposition
to
this
essay.
Firstly
, the sports person
or film star works very hard, not because of the work they do but, more towards the competition they have in their industry. Celebrities needs
to outstand the rest to get highly paid Change the verb form
need
along side
Correct your spelling
alongside
seek
more respect. Wrong verb form
seeking
For example
, Ronaldo came from a poor family in Portugal, his
hard work and determination paid off, now he is one of the richest athletes in the world. Since he is very famous as well now, he gets billions of dollars to promote a brand as well. Correct word choice
and his
Thus
, I consider being a celebrity has a
benefit of earning Correct article usage
the
money
in and out of their industry.
Next,
they can travel countries
at ease and are able to buy a house on the island. Buying branded clothes to owning personal jets Change preposition
to countries
aren’t
a cup of tea for everyone, Correct subject-verb agreement
isn’t
its
only possible for Correct your spelling
it's
the
celebrities. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, even if a famous person
plans out
to buy Change preposition
apply
a
branded clothes or cars, they get Correct article usage
apply
negotiable
price Correct article usage
a negotiable
along with
brand endorsements. Thus
, famous personalities have Add an article
the potentiality
potentiality
Replace the word
potential
of earning
Change preposition
to earn
money
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
along with
a porch live style
.
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
To conclude
, there are more advantages as compared to the drawbacks when being a famous person
. We would see growth in this
industry, since many people around the globe are inspired by them along
with
the level of platform on social media Change preposition
apply
have
set for Correct subject-verb agreement
has
upbringing
of the junior creators to showcase their talents.Add an article
the upbringing
Submitted by shahpmanan on
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task achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. It is important to stay focused on the topic given and not divert to other topics.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas better. Each paragraph should contain a distinct point that directly relates to your argument or counter-argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating ideas and use more varied vocabulary to express your points. This will help in making your essay more engaging and coherent.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your main points, such as mentioning Ronaldo’s success from a poor family background.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument and provides a clear ending to your essay.