Schools are no longer nescessary because children can get so much information available through the internet, and they can study just well at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
There has been an increase in competition among
being
a famous Unnecessary verb
apply
person
because, they earn more Use synonyms
money
, and are able to seek more attention. Some people feel, there are Use synonyms
few
drawbacks Correct article usage
a few
of
being a famous Change preposition
to
person
likeUse synonyms
,
invading privacy Remove the comma
apply
along with
Linking Words
must spend
more Wrong verb form
spending
money
to match the standard of living. Use synonyms
However
, I personally feel there are more benefits Linking Words
of
being a celebrity than drawbacks which will be discussed in Change preposition
to
this
essay.
Linking Words
Firstly
, the sports Linking Words
person
or film star works very hard, not because of the work they do but, more towards the competition they have in their industry. Celebrities Use synonyms
needs
to outstand the rest to get highly paid Change the verb form
need
along side
Correct your spelling
alongside
seek
more respect. Wrong verb form
seeking
For example
, Ronaldo came from a poor family in Portugal, Linking Words
his
hard work and determination paid off, now he is one of the richest athletes in the world. Since he is very famous as well now, he gets billions of dollars to promote a brand as well. Correct word choice
and his
Thus
, I consider being a celebrity has Linking Words
a
benefit of earning Correct article usage
the
money
in and out of their industry.
Use synonyms
Next,
they can travel Linking Words
countries
at ease and are able to buy a house on the island. Buying branded clothes to owning personal jets Change preposition
to countries
aren’t
a cup of tea for everyone, Correct subject-verb agreement
isn’t
its
only possible for Correct your spelling
it's
the
celebrities. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, even if a famous Linking Words
person
plans Use synonyms
out
to buy Change preposition
apply
a
branded clothes or cars, they get Correct article usage
apply
negotiable
price Correct article usage
a negotiable
along with
brand endorsements. Linking Words
Thus
, famous personalities have Linking Words
Add an article
the potentiality
potentiality
Replace the word
potential
of earning
Change preposition
to earn
money
Use synonyms
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
along with
a porch Linking Words
live style
.
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
To conclude
, there are more advantages as compared to the drawbacks when being a famous Linking Words
person
. We would see growth in Use synonyms
this
industry, since many people around the globe are inspired by them Linking Words
along
Linking Words
with
the level of platform on social media Change preposition
apply
have
set for Correct subject-verb agreement
has
upbringing
of the junior creators to showcase their talents.Add an article
the upbringing
Submitted by shahpmanan on
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task achievement
Ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. It is important to stay focused on the topic given and not divert to other topics.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas better. Each paragraph should contain a distinct point that directly relates to your argument or counter-argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating ideas and use more varied vocabulary to express your points. This will help in making your essay more engaging and coherent.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples that support your main points, such as mentioning Ronaldo’s success from a poor family background.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument and provides a clear ending to your essay.