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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below gives information about a bakery's average sales in three different branches in 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main ifeatures, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The table below gives information about a bakery's average sales in three different branches in 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main ifeatures, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#information #bakery #sales #three #branches #summarise #ifeatures #comparisons
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The table provides some data about the average trades
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
bakery’s
Change noun form
bakery
show examples
 in different branches in 2015. In general, the Vancouver of Georgia
Street
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 bigger sales than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the Vancouver of
Drake
Use synonyms
Street
Use synonyms
 was the smallest.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
Chicken
Use synonyms
 burger was the most popular item
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Georgia
Street
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of transactions
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 the highest at 854.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of transaction
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
 (cost at $10.69), eat-in (at 405) and take-away (at 449) were dominated by
chicken
Use synonyms
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
 in Georgia
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
.
Followed
Replace the word
Following
show examples
 that was Dunsmuir
Street
Use synonyms
 with the
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
 item
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
chicken
Use synonyms
 wings
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the most total transactions at 750.
However
Linking Words
, the transaction value in Dunsmuir was smaller than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 only at $5.61 but the
number
Use synonyms
 of
eat-in
Correct your spelling
eat-ins
show examples
 and
take away
Correct your spelling
takeaway
show examples
 were higher than
Drake
Use synonyms
Street
Use synonyms
 at 358 and 392 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
sales
Change preposition
of sales
show examples
 was the Vancouver of
Drake
Use synonyms
Street
Use synonyms
 with
chicken
Use synonyms
 pasta
was
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the famous food at just 390. Even though
chicken
Use synonyms
 pasta
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 expensive than
chicken
Use synonyms
 wings, with
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 at $9.02. In detail, the
number
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of eat-in
show examples
eat-in
Correct your spelling
eat-ins
show examples
 and
take-away
Correct your spelling
take-aways
show examples
 in
Drake
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
street
Capitalize word
Street
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the smallest, at 200 and 190 of each.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words street, drake, chicken, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average sales
  • branch
  • location
  • performance
  • comparison
  • trends
  • sales figures
  • sales numbers
  • distribution
  • revenue
  • turnover
  • differences
  • similarities
  • sales performance
  • temporal patterns
  • fluctuations
  • highest
  • lowest
  • contributes to
  • unexpected trends
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