Some people think that competitive sports are important for a child education, others think that it has negative effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
One of the premises for
sustainable
development of Correct article usage
the sustainable
child
is sports education. But opinions about Fix the agreement mistake
children
competitions
have divided. Some people believe that we should develop a Fix the agreement mistake
competition
child
individualism and encourage Change noun form
child's
a
participation in Remove the article
apply
children
contests, Change noun form
children's
while
others adhere to the contrary opinion. This
social problem will be devoted this
essay.
Change preposition
to this
To begin
with the first point of view. Competitions foster development
of Add an article
the development
children
, it is an incentive to overtake their rivals and become the best. It improves effectiveness
of Add an article
the effectiveness
trainings
. Change the wording
training
pieces of training
And
Correct word choice
Also
also
this
approach upgrades a Correct determiner usage
the
child
temper and teaches Change noun form
child's
to
cope with Correct pronoun usage
them to
him to
her to
life
Change noun form
life's
difficults
. Correct your spelling
difficulties
difficult
For example
, the personnel struggle in domain
of their occupation.
To continue with the second point of view. The first approach inhibits Add an article
the domain
team work
and it can be harmful Correct your spelling
teamwork
for
the future job or weak result of Change the preposition
to
sports
team. Add an article
a sports
the sports
Besides
, not all children
are capable of hard level of workouts thus
they can desire a victory, train too assiduously, and get a serious trauma hence
to ruin
their health and sports career. Quite the contrary, collective consciousness is a way to harmonious Change the verb form
ruining
team work
, Correct your spelling
teamwork
common
cause is higher than Add an article
the common
a common
single
person's benefits Correct article usage
a single
whereas
competitions teach children
to think only about the
private success. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, if children
will succeed in child
tournaments then
they can lose a stimulus for development in the future.
In conclusion, I am rather a proponent of this
first position. Trainings
without competition are Change the wording
Training
Pieces of training
interested
not all Replace the word
interesting
children
, they want to get a proximate purport
. Correct your spelling
purpose
Nevertheless
, children
should relate simplier
to contests and respect their peers.Correct your spelling
simply
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coherence cohesion
The introduction is somewhat clear but could be made more concise. Rephrasing to eliminate repetition can improve clarity.
task achievement
While some main points are supported, they lack depth and there are instances where ideas are repeated. It's important to present detailed explanations and examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and present a definitive stand on the issue. Your conclusion slightly trails off without a strong reaffirmation of your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid redundancy and improve readability.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach towards task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, demonstrating an understanding of essay structure.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example