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Band 4

In many countries, men and women are working full-time. It is therefore logical for women and men to share household tasks. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#countries #men #women #household #tasks
It is frequently believed that these days there
many
Add a missing verb
are many
show examples
 places in the world where both males and females attend full-time jobs
due to
 the
require
Replace the word
requirement
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 of two or more sources of income in order to live a comfortable life,
therefore
 some people consider sharing household responsibilities essential for both parents. In
this
 essay, I'm going to discuss
this
 statement and give my point of view.
Initially
, in previous decades
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household tasks
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 shared in a completely different method than nowadays, women were not able to work at that time, so they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 required to do home tasks
such
 as babysitting, cleaning and cooking,
However
, men are expected to take care of the family financially, for illustration, paying rent, purchasing groceries and feeding his children,
this
 is because women do not have a source of income to
share
 expenditures.
Nonetheless
, in
latest
Replace the word
recent
show examples
 years, females
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 allowed to participate in full-time jobs and gain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial and social
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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,
this
 means that now she
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 expected to
share
 house
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
 with
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
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husband
Fix the agreement mistake
husbands
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due to
 the
avalibility
Correct your spelling
availability
 of another type of earning, but
this
 leads to a
share
 in every other home requirements and tasks not only financial spending, from now on both couples will
share
 babysitting, shopping expenses and cleaning equally between them. In conclusion, I believe that sharing home missions between couples
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 logical in recent years
due to
 the divide of expenditure between them.
Submitted by yazanalt523 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and is logically linked to the essay's overall argument. For example, ensure that transitions between ideas are smoother.
task achievement
It would be better to provide more specific examples or experiences to support your main points. More detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion can be expanded to include a summary of the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing your viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly and provides a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, particularly in discussing historical changes and the expectations of contemporary couples.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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