Modern children are suffering from the disease that were once considered to be meant for adult only obesity is a major disease prevalent among children what are its causes and what solutions can be offered.

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Obesity
amongst
Change preposition
among
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children
is a growing concern in today’s society.
Health
issues
such
as
obesity
, once predominantly seen in adults, are now increasingly affecting
children
.
This
essay will
explor
Correct your spelling
explore
the causes of childhood
obesity
and propose solutions, including the provision of healthier school
meals
and the enhancement of parental
health
education
. One significant cause of childhood
obesity
is the lack of parental control over junk
food
. Parents often permit their
children
to eat without restriction, leading to excessive intake of unhealthy
food
such
as fast
food
, sweets and sugary drinks.
Consequently
,
children
gain
weight
.
Furthermore
, families from
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
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often can not afford to purchase healthy
food
due to
it’s
Replace the word
its
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high cost.
This
financial constraint forces them to opt for cheaper
meals
that are high in carbohydrates and low in nutritional values
such
as pasta, rice or bread which contribute to gain
weight
in
children
as well as
their family members. To combat
this
issue, schools need to provide healthier
meals
to
children
and increase parental
health
education
. By providing healthier
food
alternatives at school,
children
will consume less unhealthy foods and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
lose
weight
.
Additionally
, comprehensive
health
education
campaigns directed at should be implemented. Once parents understand the dangers and
health
implications associated with
obesity
, they will be more inclined to impose strict control on the type of foods they consume at home.
This
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
to discipline and
self control
Add a hyphen
self-control
show examples
amongst
children
and ultimately for them to lose
weight
to improve their
health
overall
. In conclusion, the lack of parental regulation on unhealthy
food
at home is one of the notorious reasons for childhood
obesity
.
Additionally
, Financial
constrain
Correct your spelling
constraints
show examples
limit
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
access to
nutritious
Replace the word
nutrition
show examples
. To combat
this
issue, schools should offer healthier
meals
to
children
and increase parental awareness
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
health
education
will ultimately decrease the rising
perveance
Correct your spelling
prevalence
of
obesity
amongst
children
.
Submitted by nhashi42 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider including more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Ensure that you thoroughly address all parts of the task prompt. While you discussed causes and solutions, further elaboration and a balanced discussion of multiple causes and solutions could enhance your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing the logical structure of your essay by clearly organizing your points into separate paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your work to correct minor grammatical errors and improve the coherence of your sentences. This will enhance the overall readability and professionalism of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both causes and solutions for childhood obesity.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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