Some people think that the main factor influencing a child’s development these days are things such as tv, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #factor #child’s #development #tv #friends #music

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There are many factors that

influence

child

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child's

show examples

development

While

some others think things

such

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show examples

friends

and

music

influence

child

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child's

show examples

cognitive

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cognition

show examples

, some

also

strongly believe family is the prime factor that

influence

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influences

show examples

child

development

. Having

Correct your spelling

show examples

friends

and

music

infuence's

Correct your spelling

influences's

child

development

firstly

having

friends

in a

child

's life serves as

a sources

Correct the article-noun agreement

a source

sources

show examples

campanionship

Correct your spelling

companionship

for the

child

, as it helps the

child

learn how to interact with other people which

infacts

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in fact

prepare

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prepares

show examples

them for the

futture

Correct your spelling

future

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

has become

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

influencing factor in a

child

's life helping them to

development

Replace the word

develop

show examples

For instance

, learning and fun activities are shown on the

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show examples

and infants tend to learn more from it.

Music

is said to be the soul of life ,

for

example

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example,

show examples

when a

women

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woman

show examples

is pregnant and sings to the

child

, it

said

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is said

show examples

to improve the

child

cognitve

Correct your spelling

cognitive

function. Family ,

on the other hand

, is

suggesteed

Correct your spelling

suggested

to be the most important of them all. A

child

is born into a family and

that

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apply

show examples

this

Correct pronoun usage

these

show examples

are the first people the

child

gets to interact with before any other thing. Since the family is the

child

's first contact it greatly has an

imerse

Correct your spelling

immense

immerse

influence

on the

development

of the

child

. In my opinion,

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show examples

believe all the factors help to improve the

development

child

Add an article

the child

a child

show examples

, even though some suggest

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show examples

friends

and

music

are some of the things that

influence

child

development

while

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

strongly believe family is the most important of them all.

Submitted by keziahboye58 on Sun Jun 30 2024

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general advice

Try to proofread your essay carefully to correct spelling mistakes, such as 'infuence's', 'cognitive' instead of 'cognitve', 'campanionship' instead of 'companionship', 'futture', 'tv' instead of 'TV', etc.

task response

When presenting arguments for both sides, make sure to provide sufficient examples and explanations to strengthen your points. Expand on how TV, friends, and music influence development and back it up with relevant examples.

task response

Develop your points further in the body paragraphs to make your arguments more convincing. Each point should have a clear explanation and supporting examples that validate your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure there is a clear logical progression of ideas. The essay could use better connectors and linking words to smoothly transition between points and paragraphs. For instance, use phrases like 'on one hand', 'on the other', and 'for instance' more effectively.

task response

The introduction clearly states both perspectives regarding the factors influencing a child's development.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and restates your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

5.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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Some people think that the main factor influencing a child’s development these days are things such as tv, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Having more international sporting events may promote world peace. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.