Some people think that the main factor influencing a child’s development these days are things such as tv, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #factor #child’s #development #tv #friends #music

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There are many factors that

influence

Use synonyms

child

Change noun form

child's

show examples

development

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

some others think things

such

Linking Words

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

show examples

friends

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

influence

Use synonyms

child

Change noun form

child's

show examples

cognitive

Replace the word

cognition

show examples

, some

also

Linking Words

strongly believe family is the prime factor that

Use synonyms

influence

Change the verb form

influences

show examples

child

Use synonyms

development

Use synonyms

. Having

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

show examples

friends

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

infuence's

Correct your spelling

influences's

child

Use synonyms

development

Use synonyms

firstly

Linking Words

having

friends

Use synonyms

in a

child

Use synonyms

's life serves as

a sources

Correct the article-noun agreement

a source

sources

show examples

campanionship

Correct your spelling

companionship

for the

child

Use synonyms

, as it helps the

child

Use synonyms

learn how to interact with other people which

infacts

Correct your spelling

in fact

prepare

Correct subject-verb agreement

prepares

show examples

them for the

futture

Correct your spelling

future

Linking Words

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

show examples

has become

most

Correct article usage

the most

show examples

influencing factor in a

child

Use synonyms

's life helping them to

Use synonyms

development

Replace the word

develop

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, learning and fun activities are shown on the

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

show examples

and infants tend to learn more from it.

Music

Use synonyms

is said to be the soul of life ,

for

Linking Words

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

when a

women

Correct the article-noun agreement

woman

show examples

is pregnant and sings to the

child

Use synonyms

, it

said

Add a missing verb

is said

show examples

to improve the

child

Use synonyms

cognitve

Correct your spelling

cognitive

function. Family ,

on the other hand

Linking Words

, is

suggesteed

Correct your spelling

suggested

to be the most important of them all. A

child

Use synonyms

is born into a family and

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Linking Words

this

Correct pronoun usage

these

show examples

are the first people the

child

Use synonyms

gets to interact with before any other thing. Since the family is the

child

Use synonyms

's first contact it greatly has an

imerse

Correct your spelling

immense

immerse

influence

Use synonyms

on the

development

Use synonyms

of the

child

Use synonyms

. In my opinion,

Change the capitalization

show examples

believe all the factors help to improve the

development

Use synonyms

child

Add an article

the child

a child

show examples

, even though some suggest

Use synonyms

Correct your spelling

show examples

friends

Use synonyms

and

music

Use synonyms

are some of the things that

influence

Use synonyms

child

Use synonyms

development

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

strongly believe family is the most important of them all.

Submitted by keziahboye58 on Sun Jun 30 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general advice

Try to proofread your essay carefully to correct spelling mistakes, such as 'infuence's', 'cognitive' instead of 'cognitve', 'campanionship' instead of 'companionship', 'futture', 'tv' instead of 'TV', etc.

task response

When presenting arguments for both sides, make sure to provide sufficient examples and explanations to strengthen your points. Expand on how TV, friends, and music influence development and back it up with relevant examples.

task response

Develop your points further in the body paragraphs to make your arguments more convincing. Each point should have a clear explanation and supporting examples that validate your arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure there is a clear logical progression of ideas. The essay could use better connectors and linking words to smoothly transition between points and paragraphs. For instance, use phrases like 'on one hand', 'on the other', and 'for instance' more effectively.

task response

The introduction clearly states both perspectives regarding the factors influencing a child's development.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and restates your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

5.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Recently there is a collected evidence that earth heats up due to human works which are created by them. I believe this essay will give brief explanation on the main causes for the increasing climate change.
6.5
band
Some people think the police should carry guns because this can make people protected, while others think the police should not carry guns because the police with guns will lead to more violent crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion
As People pay more attention to the relationship between the police and citizens. There comes up with two opinions. One of them considers that people’s safety is guaranteed by the police who are carrying guns. However, others think that it may lead to more violent crimes. In my perspective, Police who carry guns can protect people .
6
band
To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement that digital literacy is essential in today's society?"
Without knowing about the operating information we can not use any technical application. It is very important to know the operation. Most of the daily routine work and studies are connected with technology. I strongly agree that knowing digitalization is important for all generations.
8
band
It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring up their children. Do you agree or disagree?
Raising children has always been such a huge struggle for parents, and due to the significant changes in our lifestyle, parents are nowadays under a lot of pressure regarding this issue. In order to overcome this challenge, some people believe that parents should participate in parenting lessons, so that they gain the knowledge of raising a child. I completely agree with this point of view and in the following will elaborate on it.
6
band
Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touh with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvanatages?
Recently, social news has been used to keep in contact with the community and get clue. While this trend has some advantages, I believe that the negative effects of this trend are far more significant.

Some people think that the main factor influencing a child’s development these days are things such as tv, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think the police should carry guns because this can make people protected, while others think the police should not carry guns because the police with guns will lead to more violent crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion

To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement that digital literacy is essential in today's society?"

It is necessary for parents to attend parenting training course to bring up their children. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touh with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvanatages?