IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say that the main aim of advertising is to improve sales of products that people do not really need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #aim #sales #products
Some individuals think the goal of advertising is
pushing
Change the verb form
to push
show examples
consumers
 to buy useless
products
.
This
 essay will,
however
, provide some reasons why I strongly contend that advertising
is supporting
Wrong verb form
supports
show examples
consumers
 to buy what they need.
To begin
 with, ads help
consumers
 save time. From the perspective of
consumers
, they are overwhelmed with choices for goods and
this
 causes them to waste their time
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sorting options, which
therefore
 has resulted in choosing inadequate
products
.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers
 can benefit from the information found in
advertisement
Change the noun form
advertisements
show examples
such
 as testimonials and celebrity endorsements.
Secondly
, ads help
consumers
 save money. Moving to business owners can illuminate a different perspective. Their priority is maximizing the profits and
this
consequently
 requires
minimize
Wrong verb form
minimising
show examples
 the expenditure. The discounts and promotional ads allow business owners to purchase cheaper alternatives for
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
products
. Taking all the reasons into consideration,
consumers
 are encouraged to interact with advertisements. In conclusion, some individuals argue that the reason for advertisements is
promoting
Wrong verb form
to promote
show examples
 sales of unnecessary
products
 for
consumers
.
Nevertheless
, I firmly believe that more considerations of other parties’ facing issues should be taken into account to achieve more sustainable advantages.
Submitted by rachael0124 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To achieve a higher score, it is important to present stronger and more varied arguments that directly address the essay prompt. Ensure that each paragraph delivers a unique perspective or argument, rather than repeating similar ideas.
coherence cohesion
While your essay does have an introduction and a conclusion, make sure these sections serve their purpose fully. The introduction should clearly set out the main argument and the conclusion should effectively summarize and reinforce your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and serve as bookends to your essay, which helps in creating a cohesive structure.
task achievement
Your essay stays on topic and covers multiple points related to the role of advertising, which demonstrates a decent level of task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: