IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
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First of all, what did your
children
Use synonyms
 do
.
Change the punctuation
?
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Second,
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why do you think they deserve to get a punishment
.
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?
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 All of the problems we face in life always
starts
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start
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 from somewhere.
For example
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,
someone
Correct word choice
if someone
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 is mad at you, what will you do? You would probably be asking why he/she is mad at you or maybe you will fight back against him or her or maybe you will
be just ignore
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just ignore
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 the person. There
is
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are
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no
Correct your spelling
not
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 many ways for a person to react without knowing what will happen in the future.
That is
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 what makes life so special. Sometimes we have our good times and sometimes we have our bad times. So from the beginning, it all depends
how
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on how
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 you want to teach your
children
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. Because it is your child, think of how you want your
children
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 to grow up in the future. Because an adult is an example for
children
Use synonyms
.
Children
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 will probably follow what they see because they are still young. So, in order words
childrens
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children
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 are going to
try
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try to
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 copy you if they think
its
Correct your spelling
it is
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 cool or it is a
must do
Add a hyphen
must-do
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 in your life. And will make your
children
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being misteach
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being mistaught
misteaching
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. For me, I think
its
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it's
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 better if you know what
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
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 first and why did
children
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do
Verb problem
apply
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such
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 a thing. And from there you can try to make punishment or tell your
children
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 nicely or
do
Verb problem
apply
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teach your
children
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 something
that is
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 must not do. But if your
children
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 still
does
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do
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 it. I think
its
Correct your spelling
it's
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 better to give him/her a punishment
according to
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 what the
children
Use synonyms
 did.
Submitted by kelly on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction that introduces the topic and the writer's stance. Make sure to have an introductory paragraph that clearly states your position on the topic at hand.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay should have a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed and reinforces your position. Currently, your essay lacks a concluding paragraph.
relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will help make your essay more convincing and relatable.
logical structure
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs for each main point. This will improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
complete response
The essay shows an attempt to address the question and provide reasons for the writer's stance.
clear comprehensive ideas
The writer makes an effort to examine different reactions to punishment and discuss the importance of understanding the child's actions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: