In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. T o what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In various nations around the world, life expectancy is now

prolonging

Wrong verb form

prolonged

show examples

compared to the past.

While

Linking Words

a number of people think governments face problems because of

old

Correct article usage

the old

show examples

population others

opain

Correct your spelling

pain

that elderly people have brought more virtues

for

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. In

this

Linking Words

essay will be explained that

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

of having an old population are more than its advantages. The first and foremost

advantages

Fix the agreement mistake

advantage

show examples

is that

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

population have some virtues.

For instance

Linking Words

, some of them are old scientists and researchers who have worthy breakthroughs and achievements.

For example

Linking Words

, innovations in medicine precision, which tailors treatment to individual genetic profiles, and regenerative medicine, which employs stem cell technology to repair damaged tissues, have

designed

Add a missing verb

been designed

show examples

by old medical scientists.

Therefore

Linking Words

, using their knowledge for new students is essential in order to learn very well and succeed via their

experiances

Correct your spelling

experiences

Additionally

Linking Words

old

Fix the agreement mistake

older

show examples

parents can take care of

Correct pronoun usage

their grandchild

show examples

grandchild

Fix the agreement mistake

grandchildren

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

, family can save money and

also

Linking Words

provide secure environments for their children.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, various drawbacks may be noted. In the first place, outlays of

care’s

Change preposition

care for

show examples

elderly people are so expensive.

For example

Linking Words

, some prices for medications, nurses and accommodations.

Therefore

Linking Words

, governments face financial problems because of old populations and should plan in order to create a better life for them. In conclusion, there are some virtues,

such

Linking Words

as worthy achievements and

knowledges

Change the wording

knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

thanks to a number of old scientists and researchers

as well as

Linking Words

good taking care of children, outweigh the disadvantages, like outlays of medications and nurses.

hs.abdolhay70Sun Jun 30 2024

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task achievement

The introduction provides a clear understanding of the essay’s aim. However, there are some inaccuracies with certain phrases. For example, 'a number of people think governments face problems because of old population' should be 'an ageing population'. Try to avoid these minor errors to ensure clarity.

task achievement

Some main points are not well-supported. In particular, the example about medical breakthroughs could be more specific. When referring to 'innovations in medicine', it would be helpful to mention specific scientists or research studies to make your examples more credible and persuasive.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments but could be more developed. Instead of briefly restating the points, consider synthesizing them in a way that shows a deeper understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Linking words are used effectively, but there are awkward transitions, such as 'In the first place' and 'On the other hand'. Using more varied and natural connectors would improve the flow of ideas.

general advice

Try to improve grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity. For instance, replace vague phrases like 'various nations around the world' with specific regions or examples to help ground your discussion.

task achievement

The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear structure in the essay, with distinct paragraphs for separate points, which aids in comprehending the arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

249 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

Today more and more people are using mobile phone and computer. Thus, the communication ability is losing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that computers are more of a hindrance than a help in today's society. Others believe that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.