In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. T o what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In various nations around the world, life expectancy is now
prolonging
compared to the past. Wrong verb form
prolonged
While
a number of people think governments face problems because of old
population others Correct article usage
the old
opain
that elderly people have brought more virtues Correct your spelling
pain
for
Change preposition
to
the
society. In Correct article usage
apply
this
essay will be explained that advantages
of having an old population are more than its advantages.
The first and foremost Correct article usage
the advantages
advantages
is that Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
elderly
population have some virtues. Correct article usage
the elderly
For instance
, some of them are old scientists and researchers who have worthy breakthroughs and achievements. For example
, innovations in medicine precision, which tailors treatment to individual genetic profiles, and regenerative medicine, which employs stem cell technology to repair damaged tissues, have designed
by old medical scientists. Add a missing verb
been designed
Therefore
, using their knowledge for new students is essential in order to learn very well and succeed via their experiances
. Correct your spelling
experiences
Additionally
, old
parents can take care of Fix the agreement mistake
older
Correct pronoun usage
their grandchild
grandchild
. Fix the agreement mistake
grandchildren
As a result
, family can save money and also
provide secure environments for their children.
On the other hand
, various drawbacks may be noted. In the first place, outlays of care’s
elderly people are so expensive. Change preposition
care for
For example
, some prices for medications, nurses and accommodations. Therefore
, governments face financial problems because of old populations and should plan in order to create a better life for them.
In conclusion, there are some virtues, such
as worthy achievements and knowledges
thanks to a number of old scientists and researchers Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
as well as
good taking care of children, outweigh the disadvantages, like outlays of medications and nurses.Submitted by hs.abdolhay70 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The introduction provides a clear understanding of the essay’s aim. However, there are some inaccuracies with certain phrases. For example, 'a number of people think governments face problems because of old population' should be 'an ageing population'. Try to avoid these minor errors to ensure clarity.
task achievement
Some main points are not well-supported. In particular, the example about medical breakthroughs could be more specific. When referring to 'innovations in medicine', it would be helpful to mention specific scientists or research studies to make your examples more credible and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments but could be more developed. Instead of briefly restating the points, consider synthesizing them in a way that shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Linking words are used effectively, but there are awkward transitions, such as 'In the first place' and 'On the other hand'. Using more varied and natural connectors would improve the flow of ideas.
general advice
Try to improve grammatical accuracy to enhance clarity. For instance, replace vague phrases like 'various nations around the world' with specific regions or examples to help ground your discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear structure in the essay, with distinct paragraphs for separate points, which aids in comprehending the arguments.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...