IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

- It is often claimed that wealthy nations should provide financial support to poorer countries for welfare, health, and education. However, there are those who believe that it is the responsibility of developing nations to provide these services. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#nations #support #countries #welfare #health #education #responsibility #services
Many
people
 hold different views regarding who should support
impovrished
Correct your spelling
impoverished
countries
 in the fields of well-being, medicine and education. Some believe that rich
countries
 should take
this
 responsibility,
while
 others claim that developing
nations
 should address
this
 problem. I opine that developed
countries
 should tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 issue for a number of plausible reasons. I
also
 would like to list the factors why developing
countries
 cannot do the same thing. The
countries
 which live in an abundance of resources may help others more easily. They can allocate their funds in a short notice and send them in a short time.
Additionally
, they tend to be more experienced in the areas of healthcare, welfare, and education. They can send a plethora of specialists to deal with
people
 in poverty.
Moreover
, they can spare money for building hospitals, schools and other necessary facilities. They can provide permanent solutions for poor
countries
. There are several reasons why the assistance of developing
nations
 will not be effective in
this
 case. On the one hand, they try to figure out how they can look after their own
countries
. They face different hurdles in the abovementioned fields. I do not think that they have excessive money to give the poor
nations
. They can occasionally offer small
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
such
 as food and clothes,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 they cannot promise them better lives for a long time.
On the other hand
, apart from solving
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
show examples
 problems of their citizens, they are likely to have major problems like debt and war. They need a
sufficent
Correct your spelling
sufficient
 number of funds to support their country. In conclusion,
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasons like years of experience and more funds, it should be the wealthy
countries
 to equip
people
 who live in poverty with financial aid.
Besides
, the developing
nations
 are less likely to support impoverished
people
, because they have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
nations
 to take care of, and they have bigger issues
such
 as war and debt.
Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on

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relevant specific examples
Try to support your arguments with more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and grounded in reality.
clear comprehensive ideas
While the essay is mostly clear, occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can disrupt the flow. Revising the essay for these errors can improve overall clarity and readability.
logical structure
To further enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can involve using transitional phrases more effectively.
complete response
The essay presents a well-rounded discussion by addressing both sides of the argument, which shows depth of understanding and analysis.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the main arguments, providing a strong structure for the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
The use of terms like 'plethora' and 'allocate' demonstrate a good command of vocabulary, which enhances the sophistication of the writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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