IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

#believe #subjects #chemistry #physics #history #schools #students #benefit #motor #mechanics
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In
this
 day and age, there has been a heated controversy about
school
Correct word choice
whether school
show examples
 education should focus more on academic knowledge or practical subjects.
This
 essay will elaborate
both
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on both
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 opinions before giving my own stance. It is indisputable that acquiring academic knowledge is of overriding importance to
students
 as they will experience loads of academic examinations to enter a university which determines one’s educational
backgrounds
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background
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. With more remarkable diplomas, they would have a higher probability
to be
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of being
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 recruited by a superior corporation, leading to a successful life and self-actualization. What is more, the way of tackling problems separates dramatically among different subjects and each course has its own mindset.
For example
,
students
 could derive the ability of reasoning
as well as
 logical thinking from math,
while
 history could nurture them the awareness of critical thinking. By learning a variety of subjects,
students
 can break those mindsets and foster the ability of divergent thinking.
However
, other people suggest that schools should add more practical classes
into
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to
show examples
students
’
curriculum
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curricula
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. Possibly the main reason is that more and more youngsters fail to master
the
Correct article usage
apply
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basic living skills including cooking and fixing things,
thus
 lacking the capability to make a living independently, and some teenagers feel bored when learning those things by themselves. So
by
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apply
show examples
providing compulsory classes at school seems to be the best solution.
Moreover
, having a strong hands-on skill promotes the
developments
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development
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 of
nervous
Add an article
the nervous
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 system and makes it more active, which will ultimately boost their intelligence. It can be confirmed by continuous research carried out by Peking University. Researchers found that
students
 who had learned gardening performed better than their competitors without
this
 training in the series of examinations in their lives. From what has been discussed above, I put
forwards
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forward
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 that
school
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schools
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 should put more academic courses as it is the main duty of schools, and youths could learn living skills
by
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from
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 their parents.
Submitted by christianwang on

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coherence
Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single, clear point to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that examples used are detailed and relevant to illustrate your points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both academic and practical subjects in the school curriculum, covering various aspects.
coherence
The introduction is clear and sets up the essay's structure effectively. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer's viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic subjects
  • practical subjects
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • holistic education
  • curriculum
  • real-life challenges
  • job opportunities
  • foundations
  • professions
  • balanced approach
  • job market
  • demand
  • derive benefit
  • preparation
What to do next:
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