Wealthy counties should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#counties #refugees #assistance #food

It is argued that rich countries should welcome

people

who escaped from their homes.

This

essay totally disagrees with

this

statement because

this

will lead to

overpopulation

and most of the refugees are not educated. Accepting refugees in rich nations and helping them with basic needs

such

as food and accommodation will lead to an increase in the number of

people

in the country.

Overpopulation

happens when there are a lot of citizens living on land, and that will lead to a decrease in the quality of life and put a huge pressure on the land's resources.

For example

University

Correct article usage

the University

show examples

of Canada reported that

due to

overpopulation

95% of the natural resources have been used in the past 10 years, and 80% of Canadian

people

were not happy with their quality of life.

In addition

, most of the migrated

people

are not educated. Less educated minds in a country mean that there will be a low chance of developing the nation, which will lead to poor educational outcomes and bad industrial products.

For instance

according to

the United Nations, 75% of

people

in Egypt are not educated, which resulted in 0 industrial products imported from Egypt. In conclusion, rich countries should not accept refugees because it will lead to

overpopulation

and poor education outcomes. It is predicted in the future that every country will run away from accepting migrated

people

to save themselves and their natural resources.

Submitted by dr.omar-2010 on Sun Jun 30 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that your arguments are fully developed and consider counter-arguments to strengthen your essay. Right now, the ideas about overpopulation and lack of education are clear but not sufficiently elaborated. Consider adding more depth and examples to illustrate your points better.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some sentences feel slightly disjointed or abrupt, which affects the overall coherence. Using more linking words or phrases could help connect your ideas more smoothly.

supported main points

Make sure to support your points with more robust evidence or examples. The current examples are not very persuasive and somewhat generalized. In addition, consider addressing potential counterarguments to create a balanced view.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct, which provides a solid framework for your essay.

logical structure

You have a logical structure in your essay, with clear main ideas presented in each paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

237 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Wealthy counties should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

As parents, they should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well and give them a better environment for growth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The best way / the only way to reduce poverty(INDIVIDUALS / GOVERNMENT) in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.