IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Wealthy counties should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance, such as food and housing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that rich countries should welcome
people
Use synonyms
 who escaped from their homes.
This
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 essay totally disagrees with
this
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 statement because
this
Linking Words
 will lead to
overpopulation
Use synonyms
 and most of the refugees are not educated. Accepting refugees in rich nations and helping them with basic needs
such
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 as food and accommodation will lead to an increase in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 in the country.
Overpopulation
Use synonyms
 happens when there are a lot of citizens living on land, and that will lead to a decrease in the quality of life and put a huge pressure on the land's resources.
For example
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,
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Canada reported that
due to
Linking Words
overpopulation
Use synonyms
 95% of the natural resources have been used in the past 10 years, and 80% of Canadian
people
Use synonyms
 were not happy with their quality of life.
In addition
Linking Words
, most of the migrated
people
Use synonyms
 are not educated. Less educated minds in a country mean that there will be a low chance of developing the nation, which will lead to poor educational outcomes and bad industrial products.
For instance
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,
according to
Linking Words
 the United Nations, 75% of
people
Use synonyms
 in Egypt are not educated, which resulted in 0 industrial products imported from Egypt. In conclusion, rich countries should not accept refugees because it will lead to
overpopulation
Use synonyms
 and poor education outcomes. It is predicted in the future that every country will run away from accepting migrated
people
Use synonyms
 to save themselves and their natural resources.

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task achievement
Ensure that your arguments are fully developed and consider counter-arguments to strengthen your essay. Right now, the ideas about overpopulation and lack of education are clear but not sufficiently elaborated. Consider adding more depth and examples to illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Some sentences feel slightly disjointed or abrupt, which affects the overall coherence. Using more linking words or phrases could help connect your ideas more smoothly.
supported main points
Make sure to support your points with more robust evidence or examples. The current examples are not very persuasive and somewhat generalized. In addition, consider addressing potential counterarguments to create a balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct, which provides a solid framework for your essay.
logical structure
You have a logical structure in your essay, with clear main ideas presented in each paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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