IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Government give lots of support to artists, even though some people believe it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#government #lots #support #artists #people #waste #money
Countries spend lots of
money
 on
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
sector
,
such
 as music, painting and
movies
Change the noun form
movie
show examples
 production.
Although
 supporting artists with
money
 will generate more
revenues
Fix the agreement mistake
revenue
show examples
, I believe that they should spend
money
 on a more important
sector
,
such
 as public
tranportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
. On the one hand, when
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
support
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
sector
, it will earn more
money
 from that, because the
country
 will be the
distination
Correct your spelling
destination
 for artists, actors, and musicians, which will improve the economic state
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
country
.
For example
, Saudi Arabia spent a lot of cash on Riyadh Season, and art had the major
porpotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of the season, and it generated more than 100 billion SAR.
However
, I believe that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a better
sector
 to
support
.
On the other hand
, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
support
 public transportation, it will solve the congestion in the
country
. Public
transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 allows the
country
 to have
more
Fix the agreement mistake
a larger
show examples
 population with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 cars on the roads, and that will result in a better life quality, and people will dream
to come
Change preposition
of coming
show examples
 and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in the
country
 and
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 part of the economic development.
For instance
, Japan made a considerable investment to improve
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 metro, and that resulted in
80
Correct article usage
an 80
show examples
% reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
cars
Change the noun form
car
show examples
 usage. I believe that
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
 from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 field will show
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
better results. In conclusion,
while
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
support
 the artists with a lot of cash, I believe
this
money
 should be spent on public transportation. It is predicted that countries will
relise
Correct your spelling
realise
 the importance of public transport and they will
support
 it and make huge investments
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it.
Submitted by dr.omar-2010 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Make sure your main points are fully developed with sufficient details and evidence. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have used relevant specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your essay.
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