IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government give lots of support to artists, even though some people believe it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#government #lots #support #artists #people #waste #money
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Countries spend lots of
money
Use synonyms
 on
art
Correct article usage
the art
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sector
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,
such
Linking Words
 as music, painting and
movies
Change the noun form
movie
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 production.
Although
Linking Words
 supporting artists with
money
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 will generate more
revenues
Fix the agreement mistake
revenue
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, I believe that they should spend
money
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 on a more important
sector
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,
such
Linking Words
 as public
tranportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
. On the one hand, when
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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support
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
, it will earn more
money
Use synonyms
 from that, because the
country
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 will be the
distination
Correct your spelling
destination
 for artists, actors, and musicians, which will improve the economic state
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
country
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.
For example
Linking Words
, Saudi Arabia spent a lot of cash on Riyadh Season, and art had the major
porpotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of the season, and it generated more than 100 billion SAR.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a better
sector
Use synonyms
 to
support
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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support
Use synonyms
 public transportation, it will solve the congestion in the
country
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. Public
transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 allows the
country
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 to have
more
Fix the agreement mistake
a larger
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 population with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 cars on the roads, and that will result in a better life quality, and people will dream
to come
Change preposition
of coming
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 and
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 in the
country
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 and
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 part of the economic development.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan made a considerable investment to improve
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 metro, and that resulted in
80
Correct article usage
an 80
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% reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
cars
Change the noun form
car
show examples
 usage. I believe that
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
 from
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 field will show
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
better results. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 the artists with a lot of cash, I believe
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent on public transportation. It is predicted that countries will
relise
Correct your spelling
realise
 the importance of public transport and they will
support
Use synonyms
 it and make huge investments
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it.
Submitted by dr.omar-2010 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, with clear and effective transitions.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are fully developed with sufficient details and evidence. This will enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have used relevant specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your essay.
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