IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views and give your opinon.

#people #animals #zoos #opinon
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In
this
moderen
Correct your spelling
modern
 world,
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
people
 have different views about the
imfortant
Correct your spelling
important
importance
 keeping
animals
 in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
.
While
 some
people
 agree with the idea of
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
 wildlife in
zoos
. I believe that they should live free in their habitat.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
zoos
 are
ecually
Correct your spelling
equally
imfortent
Correct your spelling
important
 for entertaining and education.
To begin
 with, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why is
imfortant
Correct your spelling
important
 to keep
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
.
Firstly
,
zoos
 would be able to provide full protection for
animals
. They might be hunted or poached especially in my country where
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very
sticht
Correct your spelling
strict
 regulations are not
implamented
Correct your spelling
implemented
. Rare species
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, Tiger sumatra, and lions
bali
Change the capitalization
Bali
show examples
my
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 be endangered in the
whild
Correct your spelling
world
.
Extintion
Correct your spelling
Extension
 would happen if there is no
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
protection for them.
Zoos
 will provide protection
as well as
 the
continue
Replace the word
continuation
show examples
 of the species.
Secondly
, it would be more efficient for
people
 who want to have a closer experience
wit
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 the wildlife.
for example
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 would not have to spend more money to travel to
indonesia
Change the capitalization
Indonesia
show examples
.
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
show examples
zoos
 will provide education for children who want to learn about wildlife and
also
 research for
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
.
However
, I would agree with those who believe that
zoos
 become
profose
Correct your spelling
propose
profuse
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society for
learnd
Correct your spelling
learning
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education and
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
.
Firstly
,
zoos
 are
imfortant
Correct your spelling
important
 for entertaining for
evryone
Correct your spelling
everyone
du
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
 to many things that we can provide when
people
 go to
zoos
,
for example
. We know
abaout
Correct your spelling
about
 the
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
show examples
 of several
animals
 like
elevant
Correct your spelling
elephants
, lions,
monkey
Fix the agreement mistake
monkeys
show examples
 and others.
Secondly
,
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 go to
zoos
 can get many benefits like they more love the
animals
. In conclusion, there are some benefits to
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
aniamls
Correct your spelling
animals
 in the
zoos
 like
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 would can be frotect
animals
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
people
 want
tu
Correct your spelling
to
 hunt the
animals
, and
also
 can give benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
evryone
Correct your spelling
everyone
 like
people
known
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
 about the
animals
.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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Grammar
Work on spelling and grammar to improve clarity: 'imfortant' should be 'important', 'frotect' should be 'protect', and so on.
Content Development
Provide more concrete examples and expand on existing points to strengthen arguments and provide a richer discussion.
Structure
Ensure each paragraph follows a clear structure: introduce the point, explain it, support it with an example, and then link it back to the topic.
Content
You have addressed both sides of the issue, which is good for a balanced discussion.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are present, ensuring your essay has a clear start and finish.
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