IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views and give your opinon.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
moderen
Correct your spelling
modern
 world,
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have different views about the
imfortant
Correct your spelling
important
importance
 keeping
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 agree with the idea of
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
 wildlife in
zoos
Use synonyms
. I believe that they should live free in their habitat.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 are
ecually
Correct your spelling
equally
imfortent
Correct your spelling
important
 for entertaining and education.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why is
imfortant
Correct your spelling
important
 to keep
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 would be able to provide full protection for
animals
Use synonyms
. They might be hunted or poached especially in my country where
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 very
sticht
Correct your spelling
strict
 regulations are not
implamented
Correct your spelling
implemented
. Rare species
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, Tiger sumatra, and lions
bali
Change the capitalization
Bali
show examples
my
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 be endangered in the
whild
Correct your spelling
world
.
Extintion
Correct your spelling
Extension
 would happen if there is no
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
protection for them.
Zoos
Use synonyms
 will provide protection
as well as
Linking Words
 the
continue
Replace the word
continuation
show examples
 of the species.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it would be more efficient for
people
Use synonyms
 who want to have a closer experience
wit
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 the wildlife.
for example
Linking Words
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 would not have to spend more money to travel to
indonesia
Change the capitalization
Indonesia
show examples
.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 will provide education for children who want to learn about wildlife and
also
Linking Words
 research for
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I would agree with those who believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 become
profose
Correct your spelling
propose
profuse
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society for
learnd
Correct your spelling
learning
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
education and
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are
imfortant
Correct your spelling
important
 for entertaining for
evryone
Correct your spelling
everyone
du
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
 to many things that we can provide when
people
Use synonyms
 go to
zoos
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
. We know
abaout
Correct your spelling
about
 the
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
show examples
 of several
animals
Use synonyms
 like
elevant
Correct your spelling
elephants
, lions,
monkey
Fix the agreement mistake
monkeys
show examples
 and others.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 go to
zoos
Use synonyms
 can get many benefits like they more love the
animals
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are some benefits to
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
aniamls
Correct your spelling
animals
 in the
zoos
Use synonyms
 like
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 would can be frotect
animals
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 want
tu
Correct your spelling
to
 hunt the
animals
Use synonyms
, and
also
Linking Words
 can give benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
evryone
Correct your spelling
everyone
 like
people
Use synonyms
known
Wrong verb form
knowing
show examples
 about the
animals
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Work on spelling and grammar to improve clarity: 'imfortant' should be 'important', 'frotect' should be 'protect', and so on.
Content Development
Provide more concrete examples and expand on existing points to strengthen arguments and provide a richer discussion.
Structure
Ensure each paragraph follows a clear structure: introduce the point, explain it, support it with an example, and then link it back to the topic.
Content
You have addressed both sides of the issue, which is good for a balanced discussion.
Structure
The introduction and conclusion are present, ensuring your essay has a clear start and finish.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: