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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children).

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
Individual persons think that pro bono should be a social help in the secondary activity curricula
such
 as helping
Add an article
the organization
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organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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,
make
Wrong verb form
making
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environment
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the environment
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 better or
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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at
Change preposition
with
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 physical exercise. I will write about my opinion
to
Change preposition
of
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this
 and give the reason why I think like
this
. I strongly agree with
this
 view for a number of reasons.
First,
it would be great if we let students go help or do something that
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 a benefits for sociality as an example, help cleaning public place like park, walking way or basketball court.
Secondly
, secondary children will have an experience from servicing. If the job that they have to do is very complicated it would increase experience for those children.
Finally
,
this
make
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makes
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 the environment get
upgrade
Replace the word
upgraded
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other people in the town
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
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 more comfortable and thankful for
kids
Correct article usage
the kids
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 that helping make it better than before.
However
, a few individuals do not agree with
this
 position, and again they have their reasons.
For
example
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example,
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 some parents do not like when their child
need
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needs
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 to go out and do kid something like
this
 or they cannot get out
from
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of
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 their home on the weekend for some reason. And again, students may be shy to do something for the public or just hate to do kind of
stu
Correct your spelling
stuff
 like that.
Overall
, In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 we should promote the social and make
public
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the public
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 be a comfort zone for everyone that why I advocate
this
 idea one hundred percent. I feel that the key to
make
Change the verb form
making
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this
 happen is we need to help each other and give support
for
Change preposition
to
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 every high school
students
Change to a singular noun
student
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. The most important overriding factor is it better when we go outside and do something useful
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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than do nothing.
Submitted by nugentsr on

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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid using repetitive phrases and focus on varying your sentence structures. For instance, instead of saying 'help make environment better,' you could say 'enhance the local environment.'
task achievement
Make sure to address counterarguments more thoroughly to show a balanced perspective. You mentioned opposing views briefly, but did not explore them in detail.
task achievement
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Proofreading your essay multiple times or having someone else review it could help catch these mistakes.
task achievement
It's clear that you have strong ideas and opinions on the topic, and you provide reasoning for your viewpoints.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance.
logical structure
You structured your essay in a logical manner, making it easy to follow your arguments. Each paragraph addresses a specific point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
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