IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

More and more people use private cars instead of taking public transport. What are the reasons for this trend? How can government encourage people to take public transport?

#people #cars #transport #trend #government
Recently many people prefer to
used
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use
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 their own cars rather
then
Correct your spelling
than
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emplyment
Correct your spelling
employment
 public transport.
This
 essay will examine some causes of
this
 issue and what can be done to solve it.
To begin
, one of the main reasons that make people rely on
there
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their
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 own cars is that privacy by that
i
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I
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 mean when you have a car you can eat inside and talk with someone
in
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on
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 the phone but
in
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on
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bus
Add an article
the bus
a bus
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this
 is impossible
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 it is
disrespectable
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disrespectful
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. Take me as an example. I always carry extra clothes for my son with me in my car and
i
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I
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 feel comfortable because any time
i
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I
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 need to change his clothes outside there is
spear
Correct article usage
a spear
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Submitted by lia7abdullah on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and presents the problem well. To improve, ensure your thesis statement outlines the main points you will cover. For instance, briefly mention the two to three primary reasons and potential solutions that the essay will discuss.
relevant specific examples
While your example about carrying extra clothes for your son is relevant, try to include more specific examples and data that reflect a wider perspective. You could mention how flexibility or convenience impacts different demographics, such as working professionals and students.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer organizational structure. Consider using paragraphs to separate distinct ideas or arguments. For example, one paragraph can discuss privacy, another can focus on convenience, and a separate paragraph can present solutions.
task achievement
Your essay begins with a strong introduction that identifies the problem: the increased use of private cars over public transport.
relevant specific examples
You effectively use real-life examples, like the one about bringing extra clothes for your son, which adds a personal touch to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow in your arguments, moving from the introduction to discussing privacy as a reason people prefer cars.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • private cars
  • public transport
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • comfort
  • privacy
  • time-saving
  • reliable
  • efficient
  • traffic congestion
  • parking space
  • safety
  • security
  • affordability
  • cost-effectiveness
  • awareness
  • information
  • incentives
  • initiatives
  • government
  • improvement
  • infrastructure
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