In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. Do you think it has the positive or negative effects on children and society?

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Studying has been one of the most crucial topics that has been inculcated generation by generation in order to achieve our goals. Many people argue that children should spend most of their time on academic purposes,

nevertheless

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, I staunchly consider that leisure activities and socialization are vital topics which have to be taken into consideration. In

this

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essay, I will explain my reasons in detail. To start with, it is well-known that education is directly linked with acquiring knowledge and

tools

Use synonyms

to create more competitive profiles for working.

Therefore

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, most parents give their youngsters the best educational

tools

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to reach ambitious targets.

As a consequence

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this

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, currently, adolescents spend hours

Change preposition

apply

show examples

studying and doing

academical

Replace the word

academic

show examples

tasks.

Then

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, sociologist researchers have

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

proved that most high-school students are able to speak more than two languages

as well

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Correct word choice

and

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they have shown an

increase

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increased

show examples

intereset

Correct your spelling

interest

in all research fields.

For instance

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, in Japan, students between 15 a 18 have founded research groups to create the most cutting-edge

tools

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Conversely

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, the term 'burn out' has become more popular to explain why people lack energy and their performances have

plummented

Correct your spelling

plummeted

This

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is explained mainly by the replacement of leisure activities for remote work.

Besides

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, communities have forgotten the importance of spending quality

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apply

show examples

time with their families and friends.

Consequently

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, mental health diseases have rocketed given

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apply

show examples

an ever-increasing prevalence of depression, anxiety, bipolar disorders, etc.

For example

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although

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China is considered one the most import developed countries because of their

innovatives

Correct your spelling

innovative

technological

Replace the word

technology

show examples

, it has one of the

with

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apply

show examples

highest

Change the article

the highest

show examples

rate

Fix the agreement mistake

rates

show examples

of suicides.

To sum up

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, most parents desire their children to achieve competitive targets by giving them the best academic

tools

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Nevertheless

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, not only families but

also

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governors should recognize the crucial role of mental health in societies

as well as

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having free time in order to improve quality of life.

luciaagudelomottaMon Jul 01 2024

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task response

Strive to maintain consistency in tenses and improve the accuracy of specific terms. For example, terms such as 'academical tasks' should be corrected to 'academic tasks'.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to minor grammatical and spelling mistakes, such as 'intereset' which should be 'interest' and 'import developed countries' which should be 'most important developed countries'. These small inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay.

coherence cohesion

Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and make your writing more engaging.

task response

The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative effects of spending long hours studying on children and society.

task response

Strong examples are provided to support each main point, such as the research groups in Japan and the high suicide rates in China, which make your arguments more convincing.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are both well-crafted, giving a clear starting point and summarizing your arguments effectively.

coherence cohesion

The essay is logically structured, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single main idea.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

309 words

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In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. Do you think it has the positive or negative effects on children and society?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

Many companies sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sports, while others think it is negative. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.