IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A group of people think that the penalty for each kind of crime needs to equal, another group says that before giving punishment wants to analyse the stimulantt and motivation of the crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#group #people #penalty #crime #punishment #analyse #stimulantt #motivation
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There are common beliefs
such
 as every punishment for breaking low has to be the same,
while
 others think that judgement systems should consider initiatives that force the convicts to do a particular
crime
. In my opinion, before judging someone for his or her wrong acts we must put ourselves in their spot and carefully make our perspective about the situation. On the one hand, low should be equal
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everybody as every individual must know that there are always some consequences for breaking the codes. Courts should do their duty in spite of every factor that makes excuses for the
crime
. If people are aware that their some kind of struggles
make
Fix the infinitive
to make
show examples
 it okay the break the law, committing
crime
 will be so widespread that it might lead to losing control of the population.
For example
, if someone takes revenge for the
crime
 for their suffering from some bad person and the court gives some privileges to the side of the avenger there will be no happy ending for anybody.
On the other hand
, it might be good that judgement systems give support
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the person who has never
done
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 a
crime
 or committed
such
 a deal not intentionally. There are some situations that judges should take into account before giving the final convict for the low breaker. If a person who
blamed
Add a missing verb
is blamed
show examples
 for breaking the law has a good background or
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 only breadwinner of the family, they must get some privileges in court.
For instance
, I read one news about a child who stole bread from the store for his family, in that case giving punishment for
this
 act might seem unfair.
To conclude
, despite the fact that lows must be strict and equal to anybody, we should always consider other factors before making any decision that has a huge impact on the
bleamer's
Correct your spelling
leader's
 lives.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by maintaining a clear flow and connection between ideas. Use transition words effectively to link the paragraphs and points.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively and ensure your arguments are clearly articulated. Avoid vague statements and be more specific in your explanations.
general
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity. Pay attention to errors in spelling and word choice (e.g., 'low' should be 'law', 'bleamer' should be 'blamed').
task achievement
Good attempt to address both views in the essay with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Clear presence of introduction and conclusion which captures the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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