IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations that can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision. How can these be tackled

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
It is argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 young
children
Use synonyms
 are tempted by intriguing
internet
Use synonyms
 stuff,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
Use synonyms
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
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 without
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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 permission.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cause
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
encounter
Fix the infinitive
to encounter
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threaten
Replace the word
threats
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by
Change preposition
from
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 negative things. In my
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
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,
for
Change preposition
apply
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the under eighteen
children
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 without
supervising
Replace the word
supervision
show examples
 could
be impact
Change the verb form
be impacted
show examples
 by unhealthy
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, underage using the
internet
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 is
ubiquity
Replace the word
ubiquitous
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 social community. But,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative tendency for our society since
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 platform is
uncontroable
Correct your spelling
uncontrollable
. If they
allowed
Add a missing verb
are allowed
show examples
 to
used
Change the form of the verb
use
show examples
 the online relentlessly that might
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a devastating impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our generation.
For example
Linking Words
,
bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 of the
Use synonyms
internet is
Correct your spelling
internet's
show examples
 widespread
use
Use synonyms
 those
children
Use synonyms
 can easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
access
such
Linking Words
 as
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
Use synonyms
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
, porm
Use synonyms
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 and immoral chating
Use synonyms
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 which can make
children
Use synonyms
 not only to be addicted but
also
Linking Words
 ruin
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 mental health, in the
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
 they will underperform in their education.
Thus
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 have to be
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
straightly
supervision
Replace the word
supervised
show examples
 by their
parents
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 when they
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 online.
Body paragraph 2
To overcome
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
,
parents
Use synonyms
 have to take
responsiblies
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilities
to restrain
Change preposition
for restraining
show examples
 the time that they when
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
Use synonyms
use
Verb problem
apply
show examples
internet
Use synonyms
, by using technology
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as censor
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
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 which can automatically
blocked
Wrong verb form
block
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 criminal
Use synonyms
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
Children
Use synonyms
's Mobile Phones
those kind
Change the determiner
that kind
those kinds
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 of
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
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 can significantly reduce
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
connect
Replace the word
connections
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 with strangers and scammers because it limited contact number. and
also
Linking Words
 to
use
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
 that
inappropriate
Add a missing verb
are inappropriate
show examples
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their age.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite that,
interent
Correct your spelling
internet
 can be bringing
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of happiness and convenience to learning and entertaining. I
therefore
Linking Words
 believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 have to protect their
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 from relentless
internet
Use synonyms
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.

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grammar
Improve your grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity. You tend to have run-on sentences and you often misuse or misspell certain words which causes confusion.
vocabulary
Work on expanding your vocabulary to avoid repetition and to express your ideas more precisely and effectively.
structure
Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this main idea.
content
You have a clear understanding of the topic and you addressed the main points related to children using the internet without supervision.
structure
The introduction and conclusion provide a good framework for your essay, highlighting the main issues and summarizing your stance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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