Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

While
it is widely claimed
music
is a creative way of joining
diversed
Correct your spelling
diverse
demographics
as well as
cultures together, others argue that
music
could create some
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as well. The reason why I agree with the former statement will be elaborated on in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it may
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
sensible for some to
believed
Change the form of the verb
believe
show examples
that
music
served
Wrong verb form
serves
show examples
as a universal language
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which everybody from all around the globe can enjoy.
This
is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
because
music
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been
embbed
Correct your spelling
embedded
in every culture either in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebration
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
grieving events for so long.
Music
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
neither complex academic
undersetanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
nor prominent status in order to listen and
thrilled
Add a missing verb
be thrilled
show examples
.
For example
, you might wonder why there is a sudden crowd
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
gathering around an
annonimous
Correct your spelling
anonymous
busking musician in the park without any
appointing
Replace the word
appointment
show examples
.
This
is because the melody
attract
Change the verb form
attracts
show examples
them. Many opponents of
this
idea might
opposed
Verb problem
think
show examples
that some
genre
Fix the agreement mistake
genres
show examples
of
music
could create
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
fight among the
people
as well. Some
people
viewed
Wrong verb form
view
show examples
some
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
of
music
negatively and might
overlooked
Change the verb form
overlook
show examples
the other. Like the trot
music
, some younger generation might
racist
Add a missing verb
be racist
show examples
about it and
viewed
Wrong verb form
view
show examples
it as
out date
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
.
However
, I personally argue in favour of the harmony
in
Change preposition
as
show examples
consequence of
music
seeing that it
generate
Correct subject-verb agreement
generates
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heartwarming and yet limitless
bounderies
Correct your spelling
boundaries
among
people
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Take K-pop,
For example
, based on my own experience as a K-pop fangirl, I have experienced numerous fans ranging from young
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
and up to
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
elderly enjoying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
that
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not in
mother
Correct pronoun usage
their mother
show examples
tongue language. The power of the
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
show examples
around the globe
aiming
Wrong verb form
aims
show examples
as one to cheer and enjoy the
musica
Correct your spelling
music
that the artist created in which cultures or ages
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
not matter at all. In conclusion,
although
it is undeniable that sometimes
music
can bring a
controvesy
Correct your spelling
controversy
among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, I am of the opinion that the
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
of
music
as a medium of connecting
people
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
its detrimental effect.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity and readability.
vocabulary
Use more precise vocabulary and avoid informal language to make the essay more academically appropriate.
examples
Elaborate on examples and provide more specific details to strengthen arguments.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
argumentation
The writer attempts to present both sides of the argument and supports their opinion with examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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