IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Large companies often use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sports #events #products #people #impact
Nowadays Many corporations are sponsoring sporting events or teams as an efficient marketing tool. Some believe
this
 trend exerts negative impacts on sports. I somewhat agree with
this
.
Firstly
, one of the significant points would be the analogy between sports and the product.
For example
,
Coca-cola
Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
show examples
 has used some famous athletes in its
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 recurrently. There is a fact that
this
 brand is represented as junk with a great percentage of sugar which is not a good option in
this
 case.
Secondly
, sport is a sensitive issue, many athletes are followed by
people
 all around the globe and their lifestyles are under the microscope.
As a consequence
, every single step that they take, specifically what they cultivate can affect many
people
 and lead them in a negative or positive way. Regardless,
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 has been discussed, there are some positive features worth considering.
For example
, running
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 campaign in some
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
motivates individuals to do more exercise or
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them an incentive on their path, especially for some disabled
people
, these campaigns play an important role
to support
Change preposition
in supporting
show examples
 either financially or mentally. In conclusion,
although
 there are some benefits of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 advertisements,
this
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
people
's lives.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Your introduction briefly introduces the topic and states your view. Try to make your position clearer by stating explicitly to what extent you agree or disagree.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea and develops it with sufficient supporting points or examples. The second body paragraph could be more developed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points and reinforces your position.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas. For example, words like 'Furthermore' and 'Moreover' can be used to add more points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a topic sentence that gives a clear idea of what the paragraph will discuss.
task achievement
You provide relevant arguments about the impact of product advertisements on sports and athletes.
task achievement
Your essay shows an understanding of both sides of the argument, acknowledging both positive and negative impacts.
coherence cohesion
Your points are generally logically organized, and you have a good attempt at structuring your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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