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Band 4

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agreee or disagree

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children #agreee
People think that high
school
 education should involve voluntary work in
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 as part of
Correct article usage
the schoolcurriculum
show examples
schoolcurriculum
Correct your spelling
school curriculum
.
However
, I would argue that unpaid
community
 service should be added to the high
school
 education curriculum for some reasons which are set out below.
First,
most
students
 need a lot of extracurricular activities to gain useful experiences since they are in high
school
 for their future personal lives and careers.
Also
, they can gain many experiences that improve their soft skills which are beneficial for them.
For example
,
community
 service can improve their public speaking skill because they must learn to communicate
woth
Correct your spelling
with
 different people coming
fro
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 various backgrounds of society and social
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
show examples
. What is more, in
this
 stage they can use their time wisely as what they do will benefit the
community
.
For instance
,
this
 opportunity helps their
community
 to improve, especially when
students
 are given a chance to provide
educaction
Correct your spelling
education
, like
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 to youngsters near their neighbourhood. Other than that,
students
 will have better
initiativesto
Correct your spelling
initiatives to
 contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society rather than enjoying themselves by doing a lot of entertainment or even illegal activities that might
defect
Verb problem
affect
show examples
 their
future's
Change noun form
future
show examples
 lives. In conclusion, high
school
 institutions should involve unpaid
community
 service as their curriculum because it will give
students
 precious experiences and push them to use their time wisely and have better initiatives.
Submitted by kelly on

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language
Ensure consistency in spelling and grammar, such as "school curriculum," "activities," and "with."
cohesion
Provide more structured and distinct paragraphing to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
task response
Further elaborate examples to make arguments more compelling and detailed.
task response
The essay presents a clear stance and supports it with relevant arguments.
language
Good variety of sentence structures and vocabulary used.
coherence
Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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