IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Food travels thousands of miles from farm to consumers. Some people believe we should buy food from the local farmer to protect the environment and support local businesses. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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The food that we use every day is transported from farmlands to be consumed by us in towns,
however
, some
people
 believe we should directly buy our food from
farmers
 to support their work and help to protect the
environment
, will discuss both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
 action below. On the one hand, when
people
 buy their food directly from
farmers
, they can help both protect the
environment
 and support these
people
. At
first,
people
 by doing their shop from
farmers
 give the
holl
Correct your spelling
hotel
 money to them and not mediators. In
this
 way, the incomes of
farmers
 increased and helped them to continue their business.
For example
, when a person wants to buy tomatoes , he does not need to go to the supermarkets,
this
 person could buy them from local
farmers
 and give the money to them for
reusing
Replace the word
reuse
show examples
 in growing vegetables. It
also
 should be mentioned that
Correct article usage
the
show examples
transportation of ingredients is no longer needed, so fewer fossil fuels will be consumed and fewer fumes will be produced.
In other words
, if
people
 straight to the local shops, the section of transporting foodstuffs would be eliminated, so the number of fumes would be decreased and the
environment
 would be much healthier.
On the other hand
, there could be some consequences by just shopping from local
farmers
. The first result would be that many
people
 who are working in the transportation and service system would be unemployed. As an example a man who has a supermarket will not have any options for sailing,
hence
, he should close his supermarket and look for another work.
Also
, because local
farmers
 want to sell their own products, they cannot provide good conditions to keep them, so they will be destroyed. In more detail, when these foods do not have good weather and a place for keeping, they will soon be unusable rather than in supermarkets. It is good to buy products from
farmers
 in a direct way because in
this
 way we could support their business by increasing their incomes and
also
 protecting our
environment
 and nature by limiting the fuels and fumes.
However
 there are some weak points like
unemployement
Correct your spelling
unemployment
 a population and limiting the lifespan of
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
, but the advantages of
this
 action are more than its negligible disadvantages.
Submitted by tina83at on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of buying food directly from local farmers. However, you need to strengthen your argumentation by providing more detailed examples and clearer points to illustrate your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs will significantly enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary usage, as minor errors are present which sometimes obscure meaning. Refining these areas will help improve clarity and overall effectiveness of your writing.
organization
You have a clear structure in your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This provides a good framework for your ideas.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant points and examples to support your arguments, which adds substance to your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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