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Band 6.5

Fossile fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. To what extent do you think is it a positive or negative development?

#fossile #fuel #source #energy #countries #alternative #sources #development
Governments across continents have turned
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 attraction to more sustainable sources of
energy
 as alternatives to fossil fuels. In my opinion,
this
 could be seen as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
progress for the following reasons.
First,
there is no arguing that producing
energy
 from buried dead organisms lacks sustainability, which means
such
 production could not guarantee the survival of humans in the long term. In fact, the consumption of
energy
 generated from fossil fuels tends to accelerate in direct correlation with the growth of the world population. With the current rate of exploitation,
this
 valuable resource would dwindle away in no time, leaving no other choices than seeking additional reserves
such
 as nuclear power or hydroelectricity.
This
 is a safe solution to the fear of
energy
 scarcity and ensures the future development of the human race.
Second,
dependence on fossil fuel for worldwide
energy
 supply would cause environmental degradation
while
 using solar power,
for example
, is considered an ultimate choice of
energy
 conservation. The consumption of fossil fuels is the culprit of greenhouse gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
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 and other air pollutants, leading to tremendous damage to the environment.
Such
 suffering of the Earth could not be justified by the growing need of humans.
By contrast
,
this
 would never be the case when it comes to other alternatives as mentioned above. If governments continue to invest in exploiting those new sources, there will be an unlimited amount of inexpensive
energy
 in the long run. In conclusion, I believe that the use of other potential
energy
 sources to replace fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
 is obviously an important step forward.
Submitted by uzookim on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your logical structure, consider breaking down complex ideas into multiple sentences or using transition words more frequently to ensure smooth progression from one point to the next.
task achievement
In your first point, it could be beneficial to include more detailed specific examples or statistics to substantiate your claims about the unsustainability of fossil fuels.
task achievement
Avoid minor grammatical errors, and ensure that professional terms are precisely used so that your argument can be communicated even more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, guiding the reader effectively.
task achievement
You provide compelling points on why alternative energy sources are a positive development, verifying your stance.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured, each focusing on one main idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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