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Writing Samples
Band 8

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English home. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph illustrates the daily
electricity
Use synonyms
 consumption during hot and cold seasons in England, with the pie chart indicating the proportion of
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 for different types of appliances in a normal English house.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the demand for
electricity
Use synonyms
 is considerably higher on winter days.
Besides
Linking Words
, most of the
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 belongs to the heating appliances.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the consumption of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in winter fluctuates between 30,000 units of
electricity
Use synonyms
 in the morning
hours
Use synonyms
, and approximately 45,000 units in the late night
hours
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 in summer days is relatively lower than that in winter, varying from 12,000 units in the early morning
hours
Use synonyms
 to 20,000 in the noon
hours
Use synonyms
. Shifting to the pie chart, it is evident that more than half of
electricity
Use synonyms
usage
Use synonyms
 is related to heating rooms and water.
Besides
Linking Words
, appliances
such
Linking Words
 as ovens, kettles, and washing machines account for 17.5 %. The percentage of
electricity
Use synonyms
 used for the other two groups of electrical items is equal, which is 15% for both groups.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "besides".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, usage, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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