IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some countries have introduced a law to limit working hours for employees. Why is this law introduced? Do you think it is positive or negative development?

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The cease of overtime duties has been mandatory in several nations.
According to
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 me, it is a positive development, and
this
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 essay will
further
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 shed light on its valid points.
Firstly
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, it is indeed true that
,
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apply
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origin
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the origin
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 of
such
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 legal rules
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 lots of reasons behind it,
such
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 as rising 'Psychological Disorders'. The diseases like anxiety, depression, and loneliness have
common
Correct article usage
a common
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 etiology and
that is
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 a 'Hectic Routine'.
In addition
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 to that overload can decline productivity and creativity as well.
For example
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,
the
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apply
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fixed hours shifts
have been
Wrong verb form
were
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 ruled by the government in India for the first time in 2002, when
famous
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a famous
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 psychologist admitted in the media
about
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apply
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how
a busy schedules
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busy schedules
a busy schedule
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 whole day can lead towards mental disorders.
Moreover
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, another demerit is a lack of social life of the person because of late-night
shift
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shifts
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.
in other words
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, always engaging in the
work related
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work-related
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 activities, day and night can ruin personal relationships as well. People choose to work more, in a greed of money.
However
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, most of the Saints and successful individuals
says
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say
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 that spending time with your
dearones
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dear ones
 is healthy for mental peace, but human beings are doing the exact opposite.
For instance
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, a recent news in Japan says that a lady
took
Verb problem
got
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divorce
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divorced
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 because she thought her husband’s priority
is
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was
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 a job and he used to do overtime at the company. In conclusion,
frenzy
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the frenzy
a frenzy
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 of earning more and engaging in extra shifts,
have
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has
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potential
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the potential
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 to damage
peaceful
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the peaceful
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 life of a person. In my opinion,
introduction
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the introduction
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 to the law
of
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apply
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prohibiting
long hour
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long-hour
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 shifts at work is a boon to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.

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task achievement
Your essay provides relevant arguments and examples, but to enhance your score, ensure you use more concrete examples and statistics where applicable. Additionally, enunciating your opinion more clearly in the introduction would strengthen your argument. Instead of starting the essay with 'The cease of overtime duties has been mandatory in several nations,' try a more compelling opening to capture the reader's interest.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with distinct paragraphs that convey separate ideas. However, use clear topic sentences and smooth transitions for better coherence. For example, instead of 'Firstly, it is indeed true that, origin of such legal rules have lots of reasons behind it', consider 'The primary reason for the introduction of such laws is the increase in psychological disorders.' This makes your points clear and concise.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, ensure your paragraphs are well-connected. Use transitional phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition' to guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, avoid fragmentary phrases like 'in a greed of money.' A better alternative would be 'owing to the desire to earn more money.' Smooth transitions between the arguments can make your essay more readable.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and relevant. They clearly outline your stance on the topic and summarize your opinion effectively.
relevant specific examples
The inclusion of examples from real-world scenarios, such as the laws in India and the news in Japan, strengthens your arguments and showcases a practical understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • productivity
  • well-being
  • fatigue
  • stress
  • mental health
  • innovation
  • leisure industry
  • economic impact
  • labor costs
  • competitiveness
  • workforce
  • part-time workers
  • shift workers
  • sectors
  • cultural shift
  • personal time
  • global impact
  • standardizing
  • employee well-being
What to do next:
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