some countries have introduced a law to limit working hours for employees. Why is this law introduced? Do you think it is positive or negative development?
The cease of overtime duties has been mandatory in several nations.
According to
me, it is a positive development, and this
essay will further
shed light on its valid points.
Firstly
, it is indeed true that,
Remove the comma
apply
origin
of Add an article
the origin
such
legal rules have
lots of reasons behind it, Correct subject-verb agreement
has
such
as rising 'Psychological Disorders'. The diseases like anxiety, depression, and loneliness have common
etiology and Correct article usage
a common
that is
a 'Hectic Routine'. In addition
to that overload can decline productivity and creativity as well. For example
, the
fixed hours shifts Correct article usage
apply
have been
ruled by the government in India for the first time in 2002, when Wrong verb form
were
famous
psychologist admitted in the media Correct article usage
a famous
about
how Change preposition
apply
a busy schedules
whole day can lead towards mental disorders.
Correct the article-noun agreement
busy schedules
a busy schedule
Moreover
, another demerit is a lack of social life of the person because of late-night shift
. Fix the agreement mistake
shifts
in other words
, always engaging in the work related
activities, day and night can ruin personal relationships as well. People choose to work more, in a greed of money. Add a hyphen
work-related
However
, most of the Saints and successful individuals says
that spending time with your Correct subject-verb agreement
say
dearones
is healthy for mental peace, but human beings are doing the exact opposite. Correct your spelling
dear ones
For instance
, a recent news in Japan says that a lady took
Verb problem
got
divorce
because she thought her husband’s priority Wrong verb form
divorced
is
a job and he used to do overtime at the company.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
was
frenzy
of earning more and engaging in extra shifts, Add an article
the frenzy
a frenzy
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
potential
to damage Correct article usage
the potential
peaceful
life of a person. In my opinion, Correct article usage
the peaceful
introduction
to the law Correct article usage
the introduction
of
prohibiting Change preposition
apply
long hour
shifts at work is a boon to Add a hyphen
long-hour
the
society.Correct article usage
apply
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task achievement
Your essay provides relevant arguments and examples, but to enhance your score, ensure you use more concrete examples and statistics where applicable. Additionally, enunciating your opinion more clearly in the introduction would strengthen your argument. Instead of starting the essay with 'The cease of overtime duties has been mandatory in several nations,' try a more compelling opening to capture the reader's interest.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with distinct paragraphs that convey separate ideas. However, use clear topic sentences and smooth transitions for better coherence. For example, instead of 'Firstly, it is indeed true that, origin of such legal rules have lots of reasons behind it', consider 'The primary reason for the introduction of such laws is the increase in psychological disorders.' This makes your points clear and concise.
coherence cohesion
To improve cohesion, ensure your paragraphs are well-connected. Use transitional phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' and 'In addition' to guide the reader through your arguments. Additionally, avoid fragmentary phrases like 'in a greed of money.' A better alternative would be 'owing to the desire to earn more money.' Smooth transitions between the arguments can make your essay more readable.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and relevant. They clearly outline your stance on the topic and summarize your opinion effectively.
relevant specific examples
The inclusion of examples from real-world scenarios, such as the laws in India and the news in Japan, strengthens your arguments and showcases a practical understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?