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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Many are of the view that tertiary students should read
courses
Use synonyms
 of their preference. A school of thought holds in
perception
Correct article usage
the perception
show examples
 that, programs that are relevant in the future should be thought
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
 The essay will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 views.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, everybody
one
Use synonyms
 way or the other is competent with some qualities and skills that differ from other individuals.
One
Use synonyms
 may be perfect in
other course
Change the wording
another course
other courses
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others tend to perform poorly, society cannot insist that these people should read the subject from my own perspective.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 medicine and
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
courses
Use synonyms
whiles
Change the verb form
while
show examples
 someone could go for nutrition that can eradicate future health conditions
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and hypertension. Again, from the level of
AI
Add a comma
AI,
show examples
 each individual has
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 own level of IQ since we are always not the same in terms of academics.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 some students are excellent in maths but perform poorly in social studies. The
one
Use synonyms
 good at mathematics should be encouraged to read
maths related
Add a hyphen
maths-related
show examples
courses
Use synonyms
 than social studies.
In contrast
Linking Words
, parents must involve their wards in
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 concerning their preferred course, kids nowadays are keen
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 science and technology
due to
Linking Words
 the robotics movies and articles read
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, subjects being
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 in the university are equally productive and need to avoid discrimination. Some people believe that reading social studies is a waste of time and will not take
one
Use synonyms
 anywhere forgotten that gaining
idea
Add an article
an idea
show examples
 about it can lead
one
Use synonyms
 to a successful politician and broad knowledge about the environment and planet as a whole.
To conclude
Linking Words
, parents must give their children adequate opportunity to select their own
courses
Use synonyms
, all subjects being
thought
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 at the universities are equally productive and each individual
possessed
Wrong verb form
possesses
show examples
 different levels of IQ in terms of selecting programs which is something that must not be overlooked.

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coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that ideas flow smoothly from one to the next, and avoid abrupt transitions or disjointed thoughts.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to make them clearer and more comprehensive. Using detailed examples and explanations can help achieve this.
task achievement
You have presented both views on the topic, which is a strong point for your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your arguments in an organized manner.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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