IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts gives information about the rate of electrical using for different purposes and how much time spent by the owner of houses in the year 1920 to 2019 in a country.

The charts gives information about the rate of electrical using for different purposes and how much time spent by the owner of houses in the year 1920 to 2019 in a country.
#information #rate #purposes #time #owner #houses #year #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
On
line
Correct article usage
the line
show examples
 chart above, there are three lines with three different colours. The first one is blue
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
of
Correct article usage
the of
show examples
 purposes how households
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
washing
Add an article
a washing
the washing
show examples
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
. The second one is orange
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
indicates
Wrong verb form
indicating
show examples
 the use of
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
show examples
. The
last
 one is green
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
represented
Wrong verb form
represents
show examples
 the vacuum cleaner. The data
taken
Add a missing verb
was taken
show examples
 from 1920 until 2019. First of all, the use of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 between 1920
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2019
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
. But, in 1980, the using of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 again in 2000.
Next,
the use of
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 highly increased from below 10 until the peak at 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. But, from 1980 until 2019 the percentage was
stagnan
Correct your spelling
stagnant
.
Lastly
, the
used
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 increased actively between 1920
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2000. In 2019, the stagnancy was shown
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
refrigerator
Add an article
a refrigerator
show examples
.
Overall
, the
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
line always increased without a significant
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
. In detail, the
used
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of
Add an article
the
a
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
refrigerator
 is the lowest in the start and washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 is the highest with 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In 2019,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 in
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 percentage, which is 100
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Last
, washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 got 65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words machine, refrigerator, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Electricity consumption
  • Household activities
  • Technological advancements
  • Energy efficiency
  • Appliance usage
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Societal shifts
  • Economic factors
  • Historical data
  • Energy consumption patterns
  • Residential design
  • Electrical equipment
  • Time spent
  • Adoption
  • Correlation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: