The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is suggested that
people
should take a high salary as the first priority when looking for a job. This
essay disagrees that a high income
is the most important aspect, there are other factors that can contribute significantly to someone's overall
satisfaction in a career.
To begin
with financial security, it is undoubtedly that a high income
allows people
to afford their basic neccessities
, education, Correct your spelling
necessities
medicine
, potentially reducing stress and allowing them to plan for the future. Correct word choice
and medicine
Moreover
, people
who are financially comfortable may have more options for a better work
-life balance, like pursuing hobbies or taking time off. For example
, there is a trend of wealthier people
being more likely to retire early in the USA, which is a result of the whole long working period with the accumulation of high income
.
On the other hand
, there are drawbacks of
focusing solely on high Change preposition
to
income
. At first glance, having a lot of money is related to happiness, yet high-income
jobs often come with high
demanding schedules and high pressure which leads Replace the word
highly
people
wellness to burn out and be miserable. One example of a tireless work
culture but a high salary is Japan where
Correct word choice
which
it
is notorious for its exhaustive Correct pronoun usage
apply
work
culture, one that has employees spending long hours in the office, and as a result
, those employees lose control of their work
-life balance,
and are too exhausted by the end of the day.
Remove the comma
apply
Additionally
, when someone chooses chasing
money Change the verb form
to chase
instead
of passion, it could lead them away from losing interests and vaues
. Correct your spelling
values
Furthermore
, a working environment where one’s ideas are truly appreciated, then
ensure
that employees get a deep sense of contribution. Change the verb form
ensures
Moreover
, leading
to increased levels of satisfaction. Especially, a fulfilling career fuels your motivation, creativity, and Wrong verb form
this leads
overall
satisfaction which can greatly impact happiness that
is extremely important for lighting up Correct word choice
and
spirit
. By prioritizing money wholly, Correct pronoun usage
your spirit
people
might miss out on what makes them excited every morning to get to work
and
utilize their talents and Correct word choice
apply
feeling
like their Wrong verb form
feel
work
contributes to something meaningful.
In conclusion, despite the huge advantage of having a high income
for daily basics, all well-paid careers are nonetheless
incredibly demanding and cause health problems both physical and mental. I believe the ideal career offers a balance between financial security and personal fulfillment
.Change the spelling
fulfilment
Submitted by mainht88 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, be sure to maintain a clear logical flow between paragraphs. It can be helpful to use more transitional phrases to connect your ideas smoothly and to signpost what's coming next.
task achievement
Ensure that essays remain within the task prompt and directly address every part of the question. While your essay is relevant and the points are quite strong, refining the depth and clarity further could elevate the response.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the position taken in the essay, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
supported main points
Your arguments are well-supported with relevant examples that enhance the essay's persuasiveness.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?