IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

An increasing number of larger shopping areas, malls and department stores are leading to the decline of smaller corner shops.What are the advantages and disadvantages of shopping in larger shopping center rather than smaller, more traditional shops? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Ratio
Add an article
The ratio
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 of
convinence
Correct your spelling
convenience
 stores in comparison to huge shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 declining. These days,
people
Use synonyms
perfer
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to buy items from big shopping complexes rather than the local vendors in their vicinity.
This
Linking Words
 has both
upside
Fix the agreement mistake
upsides
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 and
downside
Fix the agreement mistake
downsides
show examples
 which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. A plethora of benefits which a big mall provides attracts
people
Use synonyms
 to shop from it.
To begin
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 with, these
type
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types
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 of settings provide a comfortable
amebience
Correct your spelling
ambience
 which smaller shops will not be able to match.
This
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 includes
,
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apply
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 proper air conditioning, neat and clean toilets, carts
availablity
Correct your spelling
availability
available
 for
elderly
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the elderly
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,
childern
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children
 and anyone with
medical
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a medical
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 condition and so on.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
number
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a number
the number
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 of options available in eating joints which gives
people
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 a range of cuisines to enjoy and adventure zones for kids proves to be
attractive
Add an article
an attractive
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 package for the whole family.
Thus
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,
people
Use synonyms
 will mostly
perfer
Correct your spelling
prefer
 buying from malls
than
Change preposition
to
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 a local shop.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, shopping at
multi store
Add a hyphen
multi-store
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center
Change the spelling
centre
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 comes with a few demerits which can not be ignored.
Firstly
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,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 places like
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 end up doing a lot of
impluse
Correct your spelling
impulse
 buying which results in
unecessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
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 for them. They end up buying products which are not only useless for them but are
also
Linking Words
 expensive.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the items displayed in the malls tend to be sold at higher
cost
Use synonyms
 in comparison to local shops in order to recover the
cost
Use synonyms
 of services they provide in the mall.
For instance
Linking Words
, vegetables sold in departmental
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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 will always
cost
Use synonyms
higher
Correct word choice
more
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 in comparison to the local vendor
due to
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 their presentation and packaging.
Therefore
Linking Words
, buying from
mall
Correct article usage
the mall
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 always is not a wise decision. To summarize, there is no doubt that big
shopppig
Correct your spelling
shopping
 centers do provide a lot of comfort to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in today's past moving life which is difficult to replace by
smallers
Correct your spelling
smaller
small
 corner shops but
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
show examples
cost
Use synonyms
 of living is
also
Linking Words
 a matter of concern.

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language accuracy
Improve language accuracy. Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors.
main points details
Expand on your main points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This will make your argument stronger.
introduction
Engaging introduction and clear presentation of the issue.
structure
Logical division of paragraphs and clear distinction between advantages and disadvantages.
balanced argument
Effort to discuss both sides of the argument, showing balanced consideration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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