19 .As the world has become technological advance, computer are replacing more and more jobs that maybe lose because of computer. Discuss at lear one problem that may result.
These days, the world is becoming more
depnded
Correct your spelling
depended
dependent
in
technology and Change preposition
on
the
gadgets like Correct article usage
apply
computers
are taking the place of the workforce in the
businesses. Correct article usage
apply
This
attitude has some problems that I will mention further
.
To begin
with,all of the syber
instruments that are Correct your spelling
cyber
replacing
with workers do not have the human Wrong verb form
replaced
emotionals
that are really important in some Correct your spelling
emotions
emotional
section
of Fix the agreement mistake
sections
works
. Fix the agreement mistake
work
In other words
, these computers
just
Add a missing verb
are just
produced
to do some specific orders that their bosses give them and they can not fill and respond to Wrong verb form
produce
the
Correct article usage
apply
emotinal
Correct your spelling
emotional
behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
For example
, a teacher of the
young children should know how to respond to the actions of the children when they are scared or look for their mothers, Correct article usage
apply
hence
a computer or robot never can
be able to do Verb problem
apply
such
things.
Meanwhile, when the
industries would change their workforce with these Correct article usage
apply
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
stuffs
, the rate of the Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
uneployed
population could Correct your spelling
unemployed
increased
very fast. In more detail, the people who are fired should make Change the verb form
increase
be increased
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
for
find a new job, and if Change preposition
to
the
do not be Correct your spelling
they
seccessful
, they will be Correct your spelling
successful
an
unemployed person. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, when the head of a company recognize
that Change the verb form
recognizes
the
Correct article usage
apply
computers
are able to do things with much less
expenses, they will decide to fire their Correct word choice
lower
employement
, so these people may Correct your spelling
employees
could
not be hired Remove a modal verb
apply
in
any other company and Change preposition
by
this
increased
the rate of unemployment.
To Wrong verb form
increases
summerise
, Correct your spelling
summarise
the
society is becoming more and more Correct article usage
apply
effected
by technology and Correct your spelling
affected
the
countable amount of Correct article usage
a
nation
are going to replace by Fix the agreement mistake
nations
the
Correct article usage
apply
computers
, hence
, this
could bring the
bad consequences like that these digital things are unable to recognize the human Correct article usage
apply
emotionals
and the rate of Correct your spelling
emotions
emotional
uneployement
rise dramatically.Correct your spelling
unemployment
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task achievement
To improve, consider elaborating on each point with more detailed examples and arguments. This will strengthen your task achievement and ensure a more comprehensive response to the prompt.
task achievement
Review your grammatical structures and pay attention to verb forms, pluralization, and spelling to avoid errors like 'depnded', 'seccessful', and 'uneployement'.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas clearly in separate paragraphs. Sometimes, ideas seem slightly disjointed due to the lack of transitions between points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear purpose and is well-connected to your overall argument. Use connectors and transition words effectively to ensure smooth flow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your essay well.
coherence cohesion
Your points are logically structured and easily understood.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing problems related to technological advancements and job replacement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.