IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Video records are better to learn about the way other people in the world lives than written documents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#video #records #people #world #lives #documents
In
now days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology has developed quickly which can anyone learn about the
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 any specific country by watching videos
instead
 of reading
documents
.
In addition
, written
documents
 give
a specific
Remove the article
specific information
a piece of specific information
show examples
information
 about how
people
 live in the world, in the other side, video records can't provide you
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
a deep
Remove the article
deep information
a piece of deep information
show examples
information
 about the
people
 or the culture,
further
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
, video records can show
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fake things about the country or the
people
 that lived in some special culture. In
other case
Change the wording
another case
other cases
show examples
, written
documents
 provide you
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
a deep and correct
Remove the article
deep and correct information
a piece of deep and correct information
show examples
information
 without faking
information
. In
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, written
documents
 will be a better choice for someone who wants to read about how
people
 live in the world.
Submitted by aziz1dakhil on

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task achievement
You should aim to elaborate more on your main points. Consider discussing specific examples or scenarios where videos or written documents would be particularly useful or not useful.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from improved coherence and cohesion. Try to use more linking words and phrases to make your points flow better and to connect your ideas more clearly.
grammar
Grammar and sentence structure need more attention. Check for proper use of tenses, subject-verb agreement, and ensure that sentences are not fragmented.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the topic, providing a good base for further development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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