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Band 5.5

modern communicarion technology having a negative effect on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

#communicarion #technology #effect #relationships
It is true that various social applications have a range of impacts on our society. Some
people
 argue that
this
 trend has brought negative effects on
people
's
relationships
,
while
 others believe that the advancement of
communication
 technology is beneficial to
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
show examples
 connections. As for me, I totally agree with the former. It is undeniable that
communication
 technologies do have some detrimental influences on our
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 and
relationships
.
For example
, many
people
 enjoy online
communication
 via online apps
such
 as
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
show examples
 or
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
, which may reduce their opportunities
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 face-to-face interaction.
This
 might be less likely to
strenghten
Correct your spelling
strengthen
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 depth of
relationships
 and trust between them.
Furthermore
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
people
 who prefer to use social media to establish
relationships
 with
people
,
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
of them might become shy and nervous when they need to talk to others in real life.
However
, despite those demerits, most
people
 still benefit greatly from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
 technologies.
Initially
, one of the most significant advantages is that
people
 can always stay connected with their friends and relatives in spite of geographical distances. They
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 share their lives and thoughts whenever and wherever they want, no matter how far they are, which helps them tie their bonds together.
For example
, various platforms
such
 as
Wechat
Correct your spelling
WeChat
, Instagram, and Facebook can strengthen
people
's
relationships
 by enabling frequent and convenient interactions between them. Video calls are a good example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
.
People
 can not only hear their
voice
Fix the agreement mistake
voices
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 see their faces and their surroundings, which
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 them feel like they are in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same space, largely reducing
people
's anxiety
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 being homesick when they study or work abroad. In conclusion,
although
 there are some problems of merely
communication
 online, we cannot deny the majority of us have benefited enormously from the development of
communication
 technology.
Submitted by 842623369 on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more specific examples and details to support your points. This will make your argument more compelling and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This will help maintain the logical structure of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance the readability of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position on it, which sets a strong foundation for your essay.
relevant specific examples
You have included relevant examples, such as specific social media platforms, to illustrate your points. This adds credibility to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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