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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More and more people are opting for and consuming ready-made food instead of freshly cooked food. Does this practice has more advantages than disadvantages? Discuss

#people #food #practice
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Consumption of canned
food
products
 is a perennial topic of discussion worldwide, that sparks numerous debates in the field of medicine.
Albeit
Correct word choice
Although
show examples
 some people argue that consuming canned
food
products
 is beneficial in several ways,
nonetheless
, I do not subscribe to
this
 view. In my opinion, the disadvantages of artificial dietary habits outnumber their advantages, and,
therefore
 should be consumed in moderation.
This
 essay delves deeper into the reasons for having ready-made
food
 at the bottom of the list and advocates for the healthy impact of
home-made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
food
 on human bodies. On the one hand,
food
items
 that require no cooking are ,inarguably, time and cost-effective. To elaborate on
this
, since these
items
 are produced using preservatives, they have a prolonged shelf-life, which not only allows consumers to stock them abundantly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 spares them some time from cooking. Owing to
this
, the only integral ingredient in
such
 edible
items
 is artificial preservatives, and , thereby, they are pocket-friendly.
For instance
, very often canned
food
items
 are manufactured mainly for employees who cannot afford to waste their time cooking; prompting them to purchase these ready-made
products
.
Thus
, eating canned
products
 is, undoubtedly, effortless, benefitting several students and workers.
On the other hand
, artificial diet has tremendous detrimental effects on the health.
In other words
, since preservatives are merely chemicals, they cause bizarre chains of reactions in bodies, leading to unforeseen effects.
For example
, numerous surveys have reported side effects that stem from the usage of ready-made
food
products
.
Furthermore
,
such
food
items
 do not contain any healthy nutrients, which results in several nutritional deficiencies and unhealthy weight gain. To clarify, the chemicals used to elongate the lifespan of these
items
 destroy the essential micronutrients and macronutrients that are required for growth and nourishment
a
Correct article usage
apply
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. To cite an example, many global nutritionists claim that solely relying on ready-made
food
 causes
Correct article usage
the
show examples
destruction
at
Change preposition
of
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 cellular
due to
 the deprivation of many nutritional elements.
To conclude
, even though for some people
time-management
Correct your spelling
time management
show examples
 is one of the greatest issues that
gravitates
Change the verb form
gravitate
show examples
 many individuals to consume canned
products
,
notwithstanding
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, in my perspective, health should be prioritized at all costs, as the negatives of consuming canned
products
 overpower its positives.
Submitted by hadia.iftikhar126 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement and main argument are very clear. While your position is evident, minor revisions in phrasing can improve clarity.
task achievement
Work on maintaining consistency in addressing the question. While you discuss both advantages and disadvantages, ensure that your argument thoroughly supports your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Focus on connecting ideas more fluidly. While the logical progression is good, transitions between some points could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Review sentence structure and grammar. Minor grammatical errors slightly hinder readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with clear paragraphs for each main point.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, making the essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, giving a clear start and end to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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