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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions from 1980 to 2010 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions from 1980 to 2010 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given line graph illustrates the rate of travellers to Scotland who went to four tourist attractions namely
Use synonyms
aquarium
Correct article usage
the aquarium
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,
castle
Use synonyms
, zoo and festival over three decades.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the upward trends were exhibited in the percentage of people visiting
Use synonyms
Castle
Correct article usage
the Castle
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 and Zoo, the opposite can be seen in
Use synonyms
Aquarium
Correct article usage
the Aquarium
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 and Festival. The highest number of visitors was witnessed in the
Castle
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 during almost the entire period. In 1980, standing at 30%, the highest proportion of tourists belonged to the Festival section, followed by
Castle
Use synonyms
 and
Aquarium
Use synonyms
 with 24% and 20%. The figure for travellers
of
Change preposition
to
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Festival
Fix the agreement mistake
Festivals
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 gradually decreased from 30% to 18% over the given period. The quantity of
Aquarium
Use synonyms
 substantially grew and hit
the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak at 36% in 1985
then
Linking Words
 quickly recovered and continued to decrease to 9% in 2010 - just
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half the initial. Regarding the
Castle
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 category, the number of people who went to
Use synonyms
Castle
Correct article usage
the Castle
show examples
 significantly increased to approximately 45% over the 15-year period, surpassing Festival and
Aquarium
Use synonyms
 in 1985 and 1897.
Although
Linking Words
 there was a dramatic decline to 35% in 2000,
Castle
Use synonyms
 still became the most popular tourist spot in 2010 - 34%. The rate of Zoo fluctuated over two decades
then
Linking Words
 significantly rose to 20% in 2010, surpassing
Aquarium
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Submitted by cathyngo1512 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words aquarium, castle with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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