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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows trends in US meat and poultry consumption.

The graph below shows trends in US meat and poultry consumption.
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The
chare
Correct your spelling
chart
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 provides information about trends in US
beef
Use synonyms
,
pork
Use synonyms
,
broilery
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broiler
broilers
, and
turkey
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 and
consump
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consume
 of
poutory
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poetry
poultry
 from 1955 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that beet and
pork
Use synonyms
 fluctuated significantly over the fifty-seven-year
period
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 broilers
were
Verb problem
apply
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gradual increase
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gradually increased
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at
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the same
period
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
turkey
Use synonyms
 was much
stable
Correct quantifier usage
more stable
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 compared other three types. In terms of
beef
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 and
pork
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,
beef
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 shows much
fluctuated
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fluctuation
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 than
pork
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,
espectially
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especially
 from 60
pounds
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 in 1960 to 90
pounds
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 in 1976,
While
Linking Words
Use synonyms
pork
Add an article
the pork
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was fall
Wrong verb form
fell
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 slightly
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same
period
Use synonyms
. After 1982,
pork
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 shows stabled from 45
pounds
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 to 43
pounds
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,
by contrast
Linking Words
,
beef
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 was marked decline from 72
pounds
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 to 50
pounds
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at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same
period
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. Regarding broilers and
turkey
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, broilers
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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surged stablely from 15
pounds
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 in 1961 to 57
pounds
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 in 2012.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
brolers
Correct your spelling
brokers
broilers
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased suddenly to 60
pounds
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 in 2006, between 1979 and 2006.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
turkey
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slight
Change the word
slightly
show examples
 rose from 10
pounds
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 in 1986 to 15
pounds
Use synonyms
 in 1991.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words beef, pork, turkey, period, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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